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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband is usually a very loving, caring, and sweet guy. We have been married for 10 years now and he has always told me how beautiful, smart, etc. I am. Recently, over the past year or so, that commentary has tapered off and he has even started saying rude things about my looks when we are out with other people. We were out with three couples the other night and one of the ladies told me how beautiful I looked and started to say on a scale of 1 to 10, you are, then he cut her off and said a 3 and laughs. Minutes later he points out a brown freckle on my hand and said it was kind of gross. When I discuss it with him he states that he was just joking and that he thinks I am beautiful. Then a month later he'll make a similar comment if anyone brings up my looks. I am starting to feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore mentally or physically...because no matter what I look like if he is attracted to the person I am he would not insult me with comments like that. I guess I want to know if he is no longer attracted to me or if he truly thinks people will find these jokes funny.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): I don't know why the last two comments suggested you brush this off because there is definitely a problem here. What is really worrying about this situation is the fact that his behavior has CHANGED. He hasn't always been like this. That is always a bad sign. I mean you say that up until a year ago he was loving and caring and full of compliments and all of a sudden he belittles you and doesn't compliment you as much if at all. Definitely something is going on. Never brush off a change like that in a man's behavior.
I agree with the first comment that it is possible that he has met someone else or he is beginning to have a wandering eye. So be careful and get to the bottom of this. You may have some competition but his change in behavior is definitely a sign of something not right.
In any case, you know you are a beautiful intelligent woman so don't let his comments get you down. But I hope you can resolve this.
A
male
reader, TomWilkinson  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 It sounds like he's just kidding, I do this with all my friends, family and gf, it just sounds like he isn't funny enough to get away with it! x
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Honestly I dont think he is trying to be nasty or belittle you, I honestly think he thinks people will find the jokes funny!
My dad has that sense of humour too. My mum finds his comments offensive and sometimes they are, but he doesnt mean anything offensive by the comments. He genuinly just means to be funny and thats his sense of humour. Some call it a "sick" sense of humour.
My boyfriend does the same, but I guess they say you always pick a man that is most like your dad. He will tell me how lovely I look, then when we are out with people he will say something that comes across as nasty and disrespectfull. I have learned that the only response is a quick whitty reply. Make sure that your reply is so that he picks up that you are annoyed but that you can give as good as you get. I must admit I have a tendency to pick on the ears when I reply. There is so much that can be said for ones ears. You could ask "so how many channels do you get with them?". You'd be surprisd how many people find that funny, but the person you're saying it to, finds it offensive and they tend to stop and shut-up!
Let us know how you get on!
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A
female
reader, infidelityvictim  +, writes (28 November 2007):
Please Please do not negate his behaviour. I am with my husband for the last 20 years. 10 years ago he began doing the exact same things. This april I found out that for the past 7 years he has been cheating on me. (for 5 years with a 21 year old thai girl now - who was probably 17 when he started. I tried everything when he used to comment on my weight (I put on weight after i lost a baby!) and looks and nothing worked. Now that I found out he is remorseful and begs me to forget. But I cant. I am a wreck and devasted.
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