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Husband is great but he looks at teen porn

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2010) 22 Answers - (Newest, 20 February 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

So i am 40 weeks pregnant and just got married 2 months ago. My husband is great to me and we planned on having this baby. Problem is, he looks at teen porn. I caught him on the computer before so now he looks at it on his phone..The girls look to be around 14-18. I want to confront him about it. Especially since we are having a girl. I just know he is gonna flip because i looked in his phone at his internet history. I really dont think he is a danger to children but its going to be in the back of my mind until i hear why he is attracted to young naked girl pics. He looks at them every day on this image fap site and even saves some pics to his phone (which i delete on a daily basis) How should i bring this up? I cant stop thinking about it and i dont want it to effect our childs birth. I am 29 and he is 30. He has a great family and is really good with kids and is excited to be a dad. I love him to death but am so torn :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015):

Just to clarify the below post (since the feds already began their compaign of gangstalking), I didn't mean to imply that men aren't also attracted to women their own age and older, for various reasons outside the realm of pure biological reproduction (spirtual, emotional, etc) in addition to the obvious physicalities. My point was, and I'm simply quoting research (not my own opinion or feelings on the matter): men's range of attraction grows as they get older but the lower end usually remains fixed. Case in point: You rarely hear of rich/famous guys marying women twice their age.

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A female reader, slim35 United States +, writes (13 January 2015):

here is my story and maybe you can share this with your husband and maybe he will think about what he is doing, my husband to was looking at teen porn and when i found it it was a huge fight he told me he would stop cause he didnt want to lose me and our kids he then tried to tell me that teen porn was just a catogory and that the girls where older, one day i had the feds knocking on my door they came in and took all our computers and arrested my husband they had been tracking his ip address for over a year and the websites he was getting on where ran by them he went down for it and recieved a 15 yr prison sentence and he is to never contact his children in anyway, so his 15 min of pleasure made him lose his family and a name of sex offender hopefully your husband thinks about what he is doing cause he could be my ex husbands cell mate

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014):

The psychiatric cut-off age for pedophilia is 13. So, technically speaking, even if the girls were under the age of 18 that doesn't necessarily make him a pedo, at least not in the psychiatric sense. Men, as animals, are biologically predispositioned to be attracted to fit women most likely to reproduce and survive child birth, as well as have a strong genetic lineage. 18 is the legal consenting age because it's about the time women reach full biological sexual maturity. Women are likely wired somewhat differently, given their role of gestitation and caregiver. The ethics of teen porn are an entirely different matter. Therein lies the age-old internal conflict between inate desire and altruism.

Once you become a parent, so I'm told, that notion of attraction can change, as you begin to associate teens with a more personal experience directly related to your child's upbrining. i.e. That 18-year-old is still your "baby."

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A male reader, anony89 United States +, writes (4 October 2014):

Be thankful there is porn for all categories... child porn however, you should be worried. Otherwise, whether it be forced porn, teen porn, big tit, small tit, lactacting, anal, etc... be glad that it's there to give him some variety and release. Since you women either physically can't, or refuse to keep up with a mans visual stimulation and imagination requirements, this is the safest way for him to stay satisfied. Either you take it away, and he resorts to the real thing, or you fullfill his every request... which seems very unrealistic even with young women...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012):

I don't understand why they look at teen porn. My husband looks at it daily and I find that the girls look way to young. I look at his phone history. Looking at teen porn every single day is a bit much I think. I have confronted him about it before and he said he likes natural sized boobs and when he types in small tits, it comes up with old girls with flat chest. So he said he types in teen tits and they are normal. I enjoy porn but could never masterbate to someone that looks that young. I have a 6 year old boy. I know that if he was a girl I would not be with my husband. It's not a good way to look at him. The thing that gets me though is that it's always teens. Never anything else, always teens. Is this normal??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012):

ps. all teen porn IS NOT 18+ at all! the police decide if what you've downloaded is over 18. So if someone downloads 'barely legal teens' and the police find those images, they get experts in to tell their approx age. If they feel it isn't 18, you will be prosecuted...no matter WHICH site you got it from. Stay clear! from teen sites!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012):

This is the Flynn and anybody else who thinks that looking at under 18 is legal.

It is not legal. The reason I know this, as just like this girl, I was pregnant, found my husband looking at underage porn. I confronted him and I was lied to like her. In May 2011, I had a 5 month old baby, woke up to police in my house. My husband was taken to jail for underage porn, not child porn but under 18. He was not allowed to be with my son alone until October 2011 when he had his second trial which he appealed. It tore us apart.

I was very liberal and didn't mind people looking at porn, but if you think for one sec ond that barely legal and under 18 porn means you are above the law, you aren't. He got screwed. He is now on the sex offenders list for 7 years.

Your husband is lying to you. Check his phone again. I promise he will go back to it. I am still with my husband but I still check.

'Flynn 24' said that you shouldn't check his phone because the porn he looks at is his business. This isn't true. His actions affect everyone...just like my husband's affected me. So if someone is doing something wrong, the consequences aren't just detrimental to the person in the wrong, there is a domino effect.

Thanks!

Hope it works out for you and your family.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011):

And when your little girl gets to 14 and and her friends are round your house are you going to feel so comfortable then?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well i couldnt wait for the replies so i brought it up to him yesterday and we had a good talk. He swears the girls are 18 and older and just look young but i still question the site itself. Seems like its a site where a lot of ex bfs or whatnot had naked pics of their gfs and after whoknowswhat happened, they ended up being put on the internet. .......he said that these skinny girls with no boobs are not far off from what my body was like but now that im carrying his child im even more beautiful. i didnt gain much weight but i still feel huge! all together it went well and my mind is more at ease and things are good. thank ya'll for the replies. i felt better knowing that most of you werent quick to say he is a pedophile and to leave him. thats not really an option at this point anyways.

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2011):

dmartin89 agony auntAll teen porn is 18+

To be honest, i dont know many people who watch porn with girls over 20ish, unless they have a milf fetish. Looking up teen porn is not the same as child porn. Child porn,i would be worried, but teen porn..that is just relatively normal for porn watchers!

I watch teen porn with my boyfriend, they arnt kids, their 18+ or people im their 20s dresses to look younger. I really dont think this is anything to worry about.

If it bothers you, then talk to him about your worry, however i wouldent mention that you think that hes a peodophile.

It doesnt sound like hes addicted so i cant see how it could harm your marriage unless you go OTT about it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

Id verify those web sites if you can to see if they are legal, if they are discuss why he is looking at them and figure that out. If they are indeed underage, he may need psycholigical help as that is not normal. All respect to you and him tho. Because of the status of your relationship with marriage and a baby on the way, Id take this quite seriously. Im sorry for his actions as this in no way shows respect towards your relationship or your sex life. All the best to you here miss.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

Hey, if he's looking at legal porn sites then the girls will actually be over 18. If he is a danger to children I doubt he would just, you know, go searching round on the Internet for illegal pics.

The best thing would be to talk to him. You being stressed out is not good for the baby at all.

Ok so you searched his phone. Tell him you're sorry and ask him to be 100% honest with you, so that you don't feel the need to ever do it again. I wouldn't advise that you go and call him some kind of pervert but gently steer the conversation to your concerns that the girls he looks at tend to be a little on the young side.

A lot of people in relationships look at porn and it tends to mean nothing. These girls may look young but as I said I doubt they actually are under 18. Looking at them may simply make him feel young again, now he's settled sown and going to be a dad and all that.

Hope my advice helps, but seriously, if you don't trust Someone or find it so hard to communicate with them, in my opinion it's a bad idea to make a baby in the first place.

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A female reader, Secretlife Congo +, writes (1 January 2011):

well first you need to confront him about it and he needs to get some help. Before things go wrong in your marriage.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (1 January 2011):

YouWish agony auntDo you know for a fact that these are underaged girls? There are a lot of "barely legal" porn sites out there, so it's important to know whether or not they're actual underaged teens. If they are, then he's in possession of child pornography which is a felony. Those images stay on a computer hard drive or a phone memory card even if they're deleted.

Otherwise, if he has to look by phone, and these girls are 18+, then you're dealing with a bit of a porn addiction on his part. You might want to talk to him about this because those usually are progressive and need more and more intense stimuli to feed that addiction.

I would not take it from the angle of "am I not good enough" because it really isn't about that. In his mind, he does not compare you to these silicone beauties. He's addicted to the thrill he gets from looking at naked bodies. They are objects to him to use for his own means.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

Well, if he loves you more then anything u should be able to confront him about stuff like that. If you are concerned about it you should ask him about it just to be sure. If he flips and gets mad he obviously does not understand your concern.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

You definitely need to just go ahead and tell him what you found, and I think if you stay calm when you do, you'll be more likely to get answers. If he thinks you're not angry at him or judging him over it, he'll be MUCH more likely to open up to you. If he yells at you for going through his phone, simply apologize for doing so, but also tell him the reason you did it was because you were concerned about him. After all, you caught him on the computer and he probably knows you're smart enough to realize that wouldn't be the end of it. Tell him exactly what's concerning you, (the fact it's teenage girls), and whatever you do, don't make him feel ashamed about it. I'm willing to bet he is already at least somewhat ashamed of being attracted to teenage girls, and probably doesn't even want to be attracted to them. If people could choose who they became attracted to, life would be a lot simpler, but it doesn't work that way. It's possible he doesn't even know why, and your talking to him might help him figure it out. Start by asking him when he started looking at that type of porn and go from there.

I wish you the best of luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

Teen porn is illegal. Confront him. If he doesn't stop--REPORT HIM!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):

Just because a man is 30 it does not mean he stops finding teenage bodies attractive. We men are hardwired to find them so as it's them that have the greatest chance of successfully carrying a child to term (biologically speaking) and will likely live longer and provide for our young longer.

However it is bothering you so you need to bring it up with him.

Though the women are likely 18 or over, just young looking. I understand the worry though, as we get older (I'm 27) it gets harder and harder to tell.

If anything I would advise not looking through his internet usage, I mean what porn he chooses to look at is his business, and as long as it's all legal and above board, let it go.

We men have been watching porn since before we were even old enough to have pubic hair. And over time we all develop our tastes in it. That's why there are so many styles of porn. We all have different tastes.

But most of the time what we watch in porn is not that same as what we want in life. We like the IDEA. But not the reality. In fact I think if some annoying little 18 year old girl cracked onto your husband, he'd be flattered, maybe even tempted, but then he'd take one look at how she acts with her friends and the music she listens to and the shows and books she reads and the desire would vaporize in an instant.

No guy our age wants to do anything with any person who listens to the shit they put out today.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

"My husband is great to me and we planned on having this baby...I really dont think he is a danger to children...I cant stop thinking about it and i dont want it to effect our childs birth. I am 29 and he is 30. He has a great family and is really good with kids and is excited to be a dad. I love him to death but am so torn "

don't you have other things to worry about? this is all you think about? would it be okay if he looked at BDSM or foot fetish or some other kind of porn? or if the girls looked maybe college-aged to you?

i think you should work your way up to this. don't be a police officer. you don't seem to have a comfortable verbal relationship about things related to sex. maybe you should become more comfortable with him whenever you get the chance to make jokes about sex. he doesn't seem to be trying to hide it from you. how long ya'll been together? has he always looked at porn but recently started looking at a kind you don't think is okay? what i mean to ask but it's none of my business is: why don't you help him jack off a bit? if he loves kids and families then shouldn't your fertility make him worship you and still sweat you? ok so i was a bit forthright, but i think you need to be able to talk about anything with even more directness with your husband. after all, you're carrying his seed

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A male reader, 1DrLove United States +, writes (31 December 2010):

I doubt it is teen (under 18). If it were, that is super illegal. If he got busted doing that, he would have to register as a sex offender, your address would be posted on Megans law website, etc.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

Ah, don't worry about it at all. Every guy in the entire universe watches porn. You can blame it on the hormones. We have some fantasies and fetishes and we fulfill that by looking at porn. Although it would be good if we didn't watch it and waste our time, in that, but it doesn't mean we want to do that in real life. I watch all kind of porn, but I will never cheat on my baby as I love her a lot. So don't worry at all, give him love and affection. Maybe you should dress up as a teen girl and have a nice erotic night ;-) All the best for your baby and have a wonderful new year.

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A female reader, Mjfbla United States +, writes (31 December 2010):

Mjfbla agony auntWell maybe try looking up his name on one of those pedafile websites just to be sure. Bring it up to him! U are bringing a child into this relationship. You may not think he could hurt her, but you dont know that!

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