A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am not sure what to do about this situation. My husband of 14 years does not (or can not) give any loving cuddles or embraces. I watched my sister and her husband cuddle while visiting at my parents house, I was very envious, and it broke my heart that my husband can't seem to do the same thing. I give him hugs or put my arms around him from behind, but he just stiffens up and can't seem to return the cuddle or iniate it himself. I feel so lonely and when I bring it up, he just ignores me or goes off by himself. What can I do about this cold fish husband? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): ask him straight...why he is so cold. you will get some sort of answer . only he can tell what is the problem.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Was he always like this? If he just started acting like that after 14 years of being affectionate than something is clearly wrong, but if he always used to be like that then I don't think he can change now. Anyway, you should talk to him and let him know how important this is to you. If he cares about you he will listen. If not... you might wanna get a new husband, because this one doesn't love you.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 He obviously has issues with physical affection. Does it affect other aspects of your marriage, or is it limited to hugs and cuddling?
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 It's possible that your husband is from a family of non-huggers. My family are like this. It's also possible that something terrible may have happened to him as a child and he can't talk about it. You could ask him outright if he finds you unattractive etc. If he says no (meaning he still finds you attractive) then there must be some other reason, and there's not a lot you can really do about that other than be understanding and supportive. You've known him over 14 years, has he always been like this? If he has then he's not really going to change now. My gut feeling is that there's something there in his past that is holding him back. It may be quite innocent, such as his upbringing, or it may be sinister but whatever it is he's not going to talk about it.
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