A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met my husband 6 years ago. We had the most wonderful 2/3 years together and we both felt we had found a love that was very special and rare.He had an affair 1.5 years ago and I threw him out, the pain was almost unbearable, he had become increasingly distant from me for sometime but had refused to talk. He said that he was sexually frustrated within the marriage, even though we were intimated a couple of times a week.He has always been unfaithful in relationships in the past, and I am intelligent enough to realise that the problem is his although I do take responsibility for some of the issues in our marriage.Since then he has told me he loves me above all others and we tried to make a of things, start dating again etc, but i found it hard to forgive him and we kept fighting, we still dont live together. We stopped contact in an effort to get on with our lives and move on a few months ago as we just couldnt seem to work it out even with counselling. A month or so ago, we started up contact again and kept asking to see me. First I was strong and said no, but he eventually wore me down and we met a couple of times. He is now in another relationship but says that he is not in love with her and will end it after his birthday because she has made lots of plans for him. He says he is deeply in love with me and wants to grow old with me and start a new life in another country because all our friends and family think we are wrong to try again.I am so hurt that he hasn't immediately broken things off with this other woman - am I wrong?. I feel i should move on but I just dont seem to have the strength to give him up. We have both had other relationships whilst apart, but there seems to be this pull between us that wont let go. I love him so much I have been very depressed and cry every day longing for him. I believe he loves me, I really do, but he seems afraid of getting back with me in case the same thing happens again although he wants to - he seems to have this inner struggle going on. I do believe his feelings are genuine but doubt his ability to do the right thing.I don't know where to turn anymore, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I cannot find any joy in anything and only think about what we used to have and want it back. I know he is a liar and a cheat and I will spend a lifetime looking over my shoulder if I am with him but the alternative seems just as bad.
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affair, depressed, liar, move on, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smartazngirl  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 Well, why did you kick him out in the first place? he cheated on you, right? So why can't he do it again? Think about it... You've said he was unfaithful in his previous relationships. He's probably doing it again.
A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (13 December 2008):
 As a woman that has been through pretty much the same thing but in a 26 yr marriage ...It is hard to learn to trust again.As for me I couldnt because it was a cousin with whom he cheated with , but it can be done if you really want to save your marriage.I tried but couldnt get past it ..In turn i then cheated and it became a cycle which in the end landed us going through a divorce.. Just dont let yours go that way I can tell you it is a horrible thing ....Getting Even Is A Horrible Thing!!!!!!
Good Luck !!!!!
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (13 December 2008):
 Hi there, being in this relationship is the cause of your pain right now. How can getting rid of him be as bad as this? You know he loves you,but you also know that he just cant be faithfull to anyone,not just you. Short term pain and long term gain is the answer here. It wont feel this bad for long i promise. Please stop torturing yourself honey. I cant believe this arrogant man wont dump this woman cos shes got birthday plans for him. What a slimeball!! Sorry, i dont mean to be horrid,but from what you say he sounds like a really bad choice for a life partner. Dump him and you'll find a much greater guy. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): Sometimes it's best to let someone go for the better. But if your be alright with him cheating or lieing too you, then get back with him. I'm not being sarcastic here, some women put with men cheating just so they can be with them. It's up too you
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