A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK so my husband is a cronic lier. I all the time find him in white lies and it makes me crazy. I love him but I can not handle the lying. We have only been married around a year. I have 2 kids from a previous marragge and he has 3. All are older but our 2 youngest. mine 12 his 14 we are just now getting to see the 14 year old.Due to the fact he could not tell the truth to his exwife. I love him but he lies about stupid things. I have completely told the truth for once in my life and I keep catching him in little wite lyes that he has no problem defending. I have asked him to leave several times when this has happened but have alweays asked him to stay, I feel like I would be better off with out him. But I hate for my kids and his to go threw any more hell than they already have. I am a strong independant woman untill he came along. I have a great job and can afford to own my own home and pay the bills with out him. Things may get tight for awhile but I will handle it. The lying stems from day in day out simple stuff to lying to me about what he is telling his exwife. I belive we are great sex partners and life partners if we had some truth told. Do I keep the insanity going or make the dission to break it off before it gets worse ??? I can not keep this up it makes me crazy
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 March 2011):
 Chronic lying is a deep seated problem. I doubt he'll be able to shake the habit unless he gets some real professional help and of course he must truly have the desire to change. If he refuses to get help then I think you'd be better off without him. I know I couldn't live with someone whom I couldn't trust to be telling me the truth. Lay down the law, his response will show you the right thing to do.
A
female
reader, I'm listening  +, writes (14 March 2011):
Hi, firstly this is a hard situation to be in because obviously there are children involved and previous marriages/relationships. But it all boils down to one thing. Do you think it is possible for him to change.You yourself have said that you can't handle it anymore, and you shouldn't have to. If you're willing to be honest then surely you would expect the same kind of respect from him. I can only speculate that he started lying because he didn't want to hurt your feelings but at what point does it stop being about protecting you, and start becoming about protecting himself. Have you ever confronted him about why he does it? trying to stay calm and objective as opposed to, what I presume you're doing, getting mad and then deciding that you've probably overreacted and merely forgiving him. Have you let him know in a calm and controlled manner quite how badly this hurts you and how much it is ruining your relationship?It will be easy for others to tell you that a liar will never change and you shouldn't stay with him just because of the children however if you believe there is something worth saving I think you should at least try to get to the root of the problem and let him know that you realise that he is tryihg t5o conceal things from you so as not to hurt you but in doing so is hurting your even more by the lack of honesty and trust that he is putting into your relationship. State to him that you can only fully give yourself to this marriage if he is willing to do the same because at the moment it feels like you are fighting against each other not for each other. And eventually, if you continue to feel like this you need to weigh up whether you are happy. If you honestly and truly unhappy in your situation, you must get out. Life is far too short and, although it may not seem like it at the time, it is a lot less damaging for children to be loved by two people who are separately happy, than two people who are together but unhappy.I hope this helps and please don't hesitate to reply.I'm always listening.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Hey there :)As a young guy when I was about 21 or 22... I used to lie to my ex GF all the time and could never figure out why til later. I was a horrible communicator first off and held in feelings/emotions and always been a bit shy and reserved. Turns out I was scared of her reaction and assumed she'd react a certain way if I told her something... as a result, I lied and twisted things. My current GF is wonderful. I tell her to tell me everything and anything regardless of what it is and Ill show no emotion towards the situation... she tells me everything and we communicate very well and maintain great openness. Yes, some things we talk about its hard to keep in emotion, however, it doesnt come out later... so I have no resentment, Ive just learned to logically and also peacefully look at things and focus on the issue in a neutral state. Perhaps thats maturity or perhaps Im weird I dont know, but I feel your husband definitely has a communication issue like I did and may be for the same reasons. Have u talked to him about his lying? Im sure he knows how you feel and thats understandable however if there is no game plan for him to rebuild your trust, the relationship will most likely fail and the cycle of him lying will repeat. Counseling could also help and given that kids are involved Id say whole heartedly that may be worth it. Good luck on this :)
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