A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last May my husband moved from the UK to Taiwan to get married with me. When he was in the UK, he probably went out to bars or clubs only once a year. Yet now he goes to a bar at least 4 evenings a week, and he wants to go out clubbing every weekend. I don't have any hard feelings when he goes to bars, as I know that my work took me a lot of time during the week days, and as long as I can get to spend some time with him every day, I am fine with it. (We don't really have a lot of opportunities to spend time together: 10 - 12p.m. on weekday evenings, saturday and sunday evenings and tuesday afternoons and evenings... that's all!!!)The thing that bothers me is that now I feel he's put his friends before me. When it's time that we can finally spend time together, he would want to go out get pissed with his friends until 4:30 in the morning. This really annoys me greatly. Frist, it deprives the time I get to spend with my husband. Second, his coming back late often disturbs my sleep, but I don't want to tell him to sleep outside the house until I go to work. Third, this is not about trust issue, because I trust him that he won't flirt with other girls in clubs. Yet, this is more of a financial issue. As we want to save money to buy a house, and he often says that he'll have to try to cut down the money he spends on drinks and clubbing, I haven't seen any real actions yet. When his friend suggests going clubbing, he immediately forgets everything.I also feel that I am somewhat resentful towards this, as I am the major bread earner. While I am working so hard to make money to sustain ourselves and have mrely one day off every week, he only works 4 afternoons and goes out and has fun with his friends whenever he wants.Last night his friend suggested going clubbing again, and I told him that I could go with them since I don't have to work til 5p.m. today, but he'd rather not go clubbing then.I've tried to talk with him about this matter, but it always leads to fights.As he's a white British guy, and I am an oriental....I am not sure if my asking him not to go out clubbing more than once or twice a month is acceptable in the Western culture...Do you guys think that I am being unreasonable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): he is cheating by the sunds of it. if he was happy with you, he wouldnt WANT to go out clubbing all the time. its ok once in a while becos everyone needs time with mates, but not how your describing it. Also, you say when you can go out to, he changes his mind? sounds abit odd to me. have you ever thought he could be getting up to no good out in theese clubs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): my bf does the same although its only on weekends i feel very insecure i feel hes got no respect for me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Unreasonable? I definitely think not! He's got a fine life hasn't he? You're out earning the money to pay for him to go out and enjoy himself. I have to ask what you're getting out of this marriage - precious little by the look of it.
I think your trust in him is misplaced, otherwise why would he not want you to go clubbing with him? There must be some very magnetic attraction that he doesn't want you to see in the places he goes to. As for going out until 4.30 in the morning and coming home drunk four times a week, that's totally over the top.
If he was a single man his night time excursions might be a normal routine for some people in western cultures, but not the majority. I think he's taking advantage of you in a big way and things need to change if this so-called 'marriage' of yours is to survive.
If I were you I'd pack his things and send him back to the UK. You are definitely far too forgiving to let him get away with his extremely selfish behaviour.
He's living the good life, you're paying for it, and he's behaving like a single man which would be absolutely unacceptable to any woman in a normal marriage in the UK.
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