A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 2 children together. My daughter is 19 and my son is 14. For as long as I can remember, my husband has always been mean to my daughter. Recently, she has moved out of the house with her boyfriend. He wants me to take his side and not have any form of communications with her. When she moved out she egged his vehicle while leaving the other vehicles alone. He insisted that she will never come back to the house, he will never have anything to do with her, or her boyfriend, and if they get married and have kids he wants no part of it. He expects me to stand with him and I cannot. I feel that the life long torment that he has instilled in her during her whole life has caused this relationship. He is verbally abusive and says things like "I want to kick her teeth down her throat" and "I would love to take a baseball bat to his head and watch his brains fall onto the pavement". I consider these types of comments to be very demented and evil. I cannot even believe that I share a life with somebody that has these types of thoughts. I would love to leave him but, I cannot afford to live on my own and he refuses to leave my house that my mom and dad left to me after they died. I lived in this house my whole life, and want my kids to consider it home for their lives. Everyday when I get home I have to endure about an hour of ranting before he is a civil person. I am at a point where I really don't know what to do except ask God to make him "go away". Does anybody have any suggestions for me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 November 2011):
 It's going to be very very hard to get him out of your house.. is he on the deed?? or is it just in your name?
he's abusing you.. and that's grounds for divorce.
can you speak to a lawyer and find out how to make it happen?
how he can be so cruel to his own child I'll never understand...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): You should leave him in in he same situation i am the same age as your daughter she's hurt and confused emotional abuse is no joke. it just hurts so bad and theres no telling why hes like that he may not see his self as hateful mean person but he is.What is your little girl going to do if her and her bf break up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): Hi. If i were you i would invest in an hour with a divorce lawyer. You need to find out what your rights are and if you can remove this man from your home without losing out. As the house was yours before you married, you might be able to keep it. You need to go and talk to someone who can help you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): This situation sounds all too familiar. I'm 29 now, but at 18 left home due to the verbal/mental abuse my father put me through. He's said horrific things to me, how he wishes he had killed me as a baby, that I'm a prostitute and whore...would push me down stairs... Of course none of what my father said about me is true - counseling has helped me realize this. I'm engaged now, a nurse with a masters degree and have traveled the world. Unfortunately, here and there I've tried to forgive him and let my parents back into my life. Only to receive much of the same he dished out during my youth. My mother has stood by either doing nothing about it or stating I am a bad daughter when I stand up for myself.What has this lead to?They've missed all of my 20's. Out of the last 10 years we haven't talked for 7. Right now we are not talking. I'm pretty sure they're going to miss some of the more exciting times in my life also - babies, phd...starting my own business....family, chirstmas...hmm...From the kids perspective, standing by your husband is picking the abuser over the victim. That is your baby there. Why are you picking your husband over your flesh and blood when it is very obvious that he is sick? You're only going to ruin your relationship with your daughter. Who brings you more happiness in life? Surround yourself with people (like your daughter) who are going to add positives to your life, not abuse/negativity.Leave your husband. Your child should always be number 1.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): Follow aunt honesty's advice, and while that is taking place it is perfectly okay to have to "work late" or "go out to get some milk" while in reality you visit your daughter.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 Yes get rid of him. It is your property therefore you have the say about who lives there or not. If he refuses to leave then call the police and get them to remove him from YOUR house. Off course you should not be expected to just disown your daughter. It sounds like he has made this poor girls life hell, as her mother off course you are going to stand by her, you gave birth to her so off course you want to protect her.
If I where you and you really don't want to be with him any more. Then contact a lawyer in regards to what you can do about this situation and if you can have him removed from your home. Good luck.
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