A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I have been married three years and I hate my sex life. Back in the days we used to have sex every day or so and I loved it- though i never orgasmed. Now I just got bored. Told my hubby I need oral to get off and he said it's not his thing. Told him I need stimulation to orgasm and he said he feels used if he has to wait for me. I enjoy masturbation on my own - that is pretty much my sex life. With my hubby it's just a chore. I don't get him to do anything I like. So now we just do it twice/three times a month and it's just... blah. Other than this we have a great relationship, we are a great team and very fond of each other. He says sex is not that important to him and that we have no problems and that it's all good. Well - maybe. But I still hate having sex with him. Suggestions? Ideas?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2016): The best way to understand is not mutual understanding between Husband-Wife, or in general way, Men-Women. Human action are dominated mainly by knowledge....Science...Latin word.
Try to cultivate your understanding about Sex in Scientific Way. You both can be free to talk more freely then ever before.
You can get scientific book that deal sexual problem in scientific way. Love can build building up relation, but Science can work as an architecture of Building.
I wish you all the best.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (1 January 2016):
I like all three answers that have been posted so far and will try just to add to what's already been said.He has probably gotten bored, too, or else he'd still want sex (assuming his problem is not physical or psychological).Try spicing up your sex lives. There are lots of options...sex toys, BDSM, porn, costuming, role playing, and so on. Discuss these options first....don't try to surprise him with something as that could be a turn-off.Have you let you appearance go? We've all heard a thousand times that men are highly visual, and he may be turned off if you gained weight, go around with your hair in curlers, wear ugly slippers or otherwise don't fit his fantasy of you.He should be giving you oral if that's what you want. It can't be as bad as you having to give a blow job. But your desire for oral may be what's putting him off from having any kind of sex with you. Can you substitute a sex toy for the oral? If all fails, I condone an agreement between you that allows you to have outside sex with a known person and in a safe environment. Of course he would have to agree that's ok.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): I think the problem is that men's libidos are highest when they are young, about 20, and women's are when you get to your age. There's a massive myth that men want it much more than women, I often see questions on here where women are really frustrated.
Is he in good health? Does he drink much or is he depressed or stressed about something? Drinking and smoking can effect this a lot.
If he doesn't want to give you oral sex you have to tell him how much this frustrates you. You can't force somebody to perform oral sex but he has to realise that sex is an important part of a relationship and your marriage will deteriorate without it. Saying that he feels used if he has to wait for you is quite selfish really.
It's quite sad that you have a good relationship otherwise, why can't we have it all! But bear in mind that people go through stages of wanting sex all the time and then other times not being interested. I know I have. There was a stage in my life when I wasn't bothered by it, but I was having a hard time and didn't feel that good about myself.
How long has it been this way for?
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (31 December 2015):
 Your marriage is at something of a crossroads. Either you both find a way to pep things up in the bedroom for both of you or, dare I say it, you ask your husband if he minds you looking outside the marriage to fulfil your needs. I imagine you have already considered it, but it is an awfully big bridge to cross.
Perhaps the best way forward would be to visit a sex therapist for advice. It's a tough position for you to be in but we only have one life, as they keep telling us.
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A
female
reader, WhiteRose14 +, writes (31 December 2015):
I think you should just tell him how you feel. Maybe spare him some info so it doesn't hurt his feelings. Just tell him you're getting bored with the two to three times a month thing and that you feel you need it more. And that's your husband girl, he should be doing all he can to get you to the finish line and you need to tell him that! Boys orgasm pretty much every time, but for women it's a little more complex than that. I'd just try being honest with him first and hopefully he will step his game up. Good luck to you.
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