A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband had a nervous breakdown some months ago and is under the care of a psychiatrist.Some days ago he informed me he had something to tell me regarding an affair he had with a work colleague some 40 years ago He said the psychiatrist told him the root of his trouble was the shame and guilt of having this affair and he needed to tell me. It was very short lived and he said he realized it meant nothing to him and I was all he ever wanted.We have had a good marriage which includes 5 children who have done well and all have left home.I am totally confused as I never thought he would do anything like this.He is full of shame and remorse.I forgive him but I am totally confused .Has anybody been in this situation out there?
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I say thank you to the 3 people that answered my question.
I found them very reassuring.
Perhaps I used the wrong word when I say I was confused.The word I should have said was I hurting badly to be told something from somebody that I loved and trusted so much.It seems somehow to have tainted my marriage.My husband is a good man and I have to and will go forward for him.
Thanks you all once agagin for your help
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I hope I can offer some help although I have not been in your shoes - though I had an affair and I have lived with the guilt. I also have a close friend whose husband had an affair. Very often the 'guilty' party punishes themselves for a long time - I know I did. Our weakness and our disgust in ourselves is a hard lesson and it can make us have very low self esteem. We don't feel worthy of the other person and whatever weak reason for doing what we did cannot ever make up for the loss of dignity and respect and the flaw in something we cared about so much and most likely still do. Coming to terms with 'why' and moving on for the better is the best gift for both of you. Planning for the future and not throwing it back in someones face is all you can do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (11 December 2008):
 Hi there, I have never been in such a situation, and maybe some or one of the other Aunts will reply to you as well. But in the meantime, it is a shame that your husband had the nervous breakdown, but it also tells you something, very deep about him. He is not a man who cheats without remorse, at the core of his being, at least to me, he is an honest man, and he realized what he did was wrong, to the point of trying to hide it from you, because he did not want to hurt you or his family. To the point that it affected his health, that is something to consider. He was wrong, he has suffered for his indiscretion. I would think that he will not do such a thing again. On your side, your marriage over the years, has been pretty good, in spite of what you didn't know, your children were reared between the two of you, to be good citizens, I am assuming, that is a great accomplishment, in this current world, be proud. This is shocking to you, because of what it was, a betrayal of sort, but it happened many, many years ago. Obtain the help you need from a therapist if you need too, meditate and come to grips with it, take a short vacation alone, just to think and be at peace with yourself. In other words, forgive the man and please do not throw it in his face. You should talk about it and be satisfied with the conversation, if you can. Your husband loves you, men and women do things that they regret, he whipped himself for years until he coundn't take it anymore and broke down, that's a jail sentence to me. Consider the whole picture, and try to have as best a marriage from here forward, that you can. You married a good man, who made a mistake, forgive him, we are all human and subject to flaws and failures. Take care of yourself, and stay in touch. I hope that I have been of help to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Put your confusion into a list of questions if that's possible and I will attempt to help.
...............................
|
