A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am with my husband for over 6yrs. His ex keeps calling and texting him. He takes her calls and admit that they talk every week and they are just friends. It make me feel insecure when they speak to eachother; he still insist that they are just friend. I told him I do not trust him with her but he thinks it's ok for them to be friends. We have a child together and his ex wish it was her. He hates when I check his phone he gets upset..I am trying really hard not to do that... how can I trust him with her. She know me, and wish he married to her. Were on vacation and she calls him, its like she cannot get him out of her system.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): He normally leaves his phone in another room to charge. She calls him upto 10pm at nights. I spoke to him about boundries but is like he cannot set one with her. He said that I Have it all and do not know. He choose me over her so what I'm worried about. To me she is too much into him and do not have a life for herself. She borrow store cards form him example BJ'S Card. She has to see him...He thinks I want to choose his friends. I stop talking about the issue because it just making us being upset with eachother. Anytime I mension her name he gets really upset and angry. He thinks I assume thinks too much and nothing is happeining between them...trying to just let it go.
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I trust my boyfriend. I dont trust her as far as I can throw her, and she knows that. She used to call at 3am then 11pm until we had to answer. He is always nice when she calls.
What you need to do is speak to him about boundaries. Tell him you dont have a problem her calling you, but it has to be within reason. If you're on holiday thats a HELL NO, if its late at night, thats a HELL NO. Tell him to either switch his phone off, or leave it in another room. Its all about taking control of the situation and letting him know that you trust him, but you dont trust her and never will.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advise. I do trust him but not with her.how do you trust with an ex who thinks she can call whenever she wants?
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (3 May 2010):
Right, I have this same issue with my boyfriend, however I feel that I have dealt with it in the most responsible and dignified way. I trust him, although I dont trust her! The most effective way I found in dealing with it is letting them be friends, dont be possessive and constantly check their phones, because that means you dont trust him.
What is wrong with them being friends if they are just friends? If you trust your partner, then you should trust him that if she tried anything with him, that he would reject her. On the other hand, if you dont trust him, then you shouldnt be with him. A relationship without trust, is worth nothing! Child or no child!
I trust my boyfriend enough that he has on occasion come home and told me that she has tried it on with him, and he told me exactly what happened and what he did. I think he handled it well, so I dont have to forgive him for anything as he did nothing wrong. If he had reciprocated, his arse would be grass and Id be the lawnmower. His arse would be out the door before he could say Boo! She has 12 years later gotten the hint that he isnt interested, and she has cooled down the calls, although they do still get together occasionally and have a couple drinks.
If you cant trust him, then you really need to think about things and need to have a serious chat to him about how you feel, and take it from there. No trust = No relationship!
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