A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well I have a problem and need some advice. My husband and I have been together 5 years And have 2 kids. Well he accused me of cheating on him yesterday while I was at work and I have never honestly even had thoughts about it it took a comment out of anothers guys mouth and over reacted instead of asking me what actually happened when I told him what happened he called me a liar.. Then he told me I have been cheating on him and I really haven't I love this man with everything I have and I don't think he understands this..I don't know how to settle this I really just want to walk away from the relationship but that's giving up and I'm not a quiter so please help
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 Come right out with him and say to him:
What have I done that makes you think I've cheated?
When he can't come up with anything, he'll realise how stupid this all sounds and will hopefully let it settle. If not have a talk to this mate of his that 'put it in his mouth.' Ask him what he said and why.
If he still can't trust you then there might be come kind of issue between you.
Apparently people who have cheated on their partners are the most paranoid about others cheating on them, do you have any reason to think he's cheated on you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): I think we are all responsible for making our mates feeling comfortable that we aren't cheating by coming home when we say we will, trying to take their calls when they call, not lying to them, and doing all the stuff like that. But there are some people who are always going to be suspicious. Whether that's because of something that happened with you guys in the past, something that happened in their past like another partner cheating, or seeing things growing up that made them always suspicious later in life. You can't change that. You can take away some of the fear but sometimes that's like taking away 1% of the problem. If you are trustworthy he has to learn to trust you. You can't do anything about that. If you look at it from his perspective and see why he thinks that you were cheating, I would tell him that you understand why he thinks that but he has to trust you. And I would ask him what he thinks you can do to help him trust you again. If they are reasonable things, I would try and do them. Cause then he sees you want to earn his trust back. If they are completely irrational I would tell him that too. I would say "You may want me to call you every hour on the hour but that is asking a bit much. How about for 2 weeks I call you at lunch and then when I leave work and am on my way home? To show you I want you to trust me." Or something that makes him see you are trying. Most people just want some proof the person is trying to make them feel comfortable. You can do whatever you think is rational but if this hasn't been a problem before he might just need a little reassuring that you care about his worries. If this is always been a problem, I don't think you can do too much.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (7 May 2010):
 Well, this could be a classic case of transference. Sometimes a partner will do this when they are cheating or when they WANT to cheat. Or when they want their relationship to be over. It's classic because the other partner (you in this case) has no leg to stand on when defending yourself. If you argue, then it means you are defending yourself like you're doing something wrong... but if you do nothing then you are admitting your guilt. Instead of him looking like the cheat or the bad guy, he's going on the offensive first to make himself feel better. And if you tried to ask him if he is cheating, he'll most likely blow up saying that since you are a cheat, of course you would accuse him.I'm not saying this is definitely what is happening here, but it's not uncommon. Has there been any history of cheating with him or any lack of trust previously?
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