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male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,Since July 2006, I have been in a gay relationship and things have been great. This is my first gay relationship - I have discovered the fact that I am gay at 31 - and it has been difficult adjusting to a new way of life - however, overall, things have been wonderful.The relationship was quite intimate and physical from the beginning. However, in early September, I unintentionally hurt my partner during oral sex. In the throes of ecstasy, during climax, I failed to let go of one of his testicles and this, obviously, caused a considerable amount of pain. Since then, my partner has become scared of getting close to me again, although he is aware that one incident isn't a huge problem. He finds it very hard to get physically close to me, despite wanting to, and says that there is a 'barrier' in place whereas before there wasn't.We have talked about this but there is a lack of trust here and I am not sure what to do about it. Although we still get on really well and spend a lot of time together, things have changed physically. My partner isn't sure how to go about moving back to what we had before, although discussing the situation has made it easier, to a certain extent.I would really appreciate some advice here. I am desperate to get close to my partner again and he feels the same, although he has to have time to get over this lack of trust so that we can move on with our relationship.I look forward to hearing from you.Yours gratefully,Cookieloverno1
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Thanks for your advice, M. My partner doesn't blame me and he knows that it was an accident. However, he says he has this 'blockage' or 'barrier' which affects any potential physical contact we have. I am hoping that talking about it, as we have done, will make things much clearer and easier.
Thank you once again!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): Hi Cookie loverno1
I'm sorry if I sound blunt, but I don't get what's happening here? It was something that you didn't mean and I would imagine that it wasn't your intension on hurting him, like you said it was in that moment and when we climax everything goes wwoohaaa, and you tightened your grip!!!
What I don't understand is, how can he all of a sudden not trust you when you unintensionally hurt him by holding onto his testicle? I mean if you cheated on him, or did something to break his trust, then yes that would be a different issue, but for him to become more distant over something like this, it's weird don't you agree? Perhaps something happened to him physically when he was younger that frightened him, and this made him feel that again?
If he truely loves you he would know that you wouldn't hurt him, but you need to get to the root of this issue.
Let us know what happens.
M
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