| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: About a month ago, I met an amazing guy. We hit it off right away and we started to spend every single day together, as well as I stayed over every night. He asked me to come over every day and stay every night. It felt amazing to be wanted. He introduced me to lots of his friends, and he even asked me to take a 4 hour trip with him so I could meet his best friend. Everything was like a dream. Then, one night, I asked him where he saw things going between us. He said he didn't know. I asked him what he wanted. He didn't know. I asked if he wanted to be with me. He didn't know. I was confused. Long story short, his ex broke his heart and cut him out of her life completely (even though they were friends after their breakup). He wasn't over his ex and he said he didn't feel like he was in a good place in life to be in a relationship. He asked if we could stop everything and just become friends. I thought for a day about it, and I decided I couldn't be friends with him at that time. I had developed deep feelings for him. He said to contact him when I was ready to become friends. Now a month later, I can't stop thinking about him. In odd coincidences, I've seen him around town, but havn't said hi. Should I attempt to contact him? Should I try to be friends with him? Ultimately, I just want to be with him very badly. But, should I stay away from him? Or try to be back in his life?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 November 2014):
 I'd stay away. Like eyeswideopen mentioned, it was ONLY a month you spend with him, why WASTE more time on a guy who isn't looking for a GF, but a friendly f-buddy?
Being "friends" would NOT make him change his mind, nor would you "suddenly" lose your attraction and be a stellar friend.
He WANTED the GF Experience with you, up until the point you asked him where it was going. After that... he basically friend-zoned you.
LET him go. Find a guy who KNOWS what he wants (you). And maybe... take it a LITTLE slower next time?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Stay away from him. He doesn't know what he wants, and trust me... You can not make up his mind for him, no matter how perfect a girlfriend you would be. If he wanted you, he'd be chasing you, plain and simple.
I think he's actually rude, to be honest. Who courts a girl in such a grand manner, and has her over so often, and then "doesn't know" what he wants? That's bullshit. If he doesn't know what he wants then he had no business luring you into his bed and making you think he was serious about you by taking you around to see his friends and spend so much time together. He's not an idiot, he KNEW he was playing you. He just didn't care. He got his cake and ate it, and there you are, developing feelings for him when he couldn't care less. This offer of friendship is just his way out of an embarrassing situation (you asking him these questions). He got caught in his play, and saying "I don't know" (as if he just suddenly realized he had no idea), and then offering friendship, was his way out without you getting angry with him.
If he isn't over his ex, what was he doing in bed with you? Ask yourself if he truly "didn't know" what he was doing in bed with you. He knew. He was getting laid with no strings attached. That's what he wanted, that's what he got, and the "I don't know" and sappy story about his ex is just a way for him to NOT look like the player he truly is.
Sorry, but do yourself the favour of staying away from him. He doesn't care about you, not romantically, and not as a friend. Unfortunately, he just wanted something causal and didn't have the guts to admit it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2014): Guys hate to be crowded like this.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Stay away from him, you only invested a month of your life on this dead end, don't waste any more. Most likely he was just looking for a roll in the hay, but when you started up with the questions he ran for cover. Next time I recommend you take things much more slowly and let a relationship develop over time.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (13 November 2014):
I suggest you continue to stay away if you've still got feelings for him and are hoping that friendship will ultimately lead to a meaningful relationship. Hard as it may be.The most likely case scenario is that history will just repeat itself. You will continue to want him and he will continue to be "confused".From my own experience, when I've done the same and tried to maintain a friendship with a guy I've developed strong feelings for, I've just ended up being miserable for months before I realised that it wasn't just because he "wasn't ready for a relationship" - he simply didn't want one with ME and wasn't ever going to.Bottom line - he said that he didn't want a relationship with you(no matter how exactly he worded it) and that's not going to have changed in a month.
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