A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There are so many questions I would like to ask...I'm an American college student who is in a relationship with a (N. mainland) Chinese boy who came to the USA 6 months ago. He loves me very very much and always wants me to be happy but he has hurt me emotionally and confused the heck out of me. He is a few years older than me and he sometimes treats me like I am a kid who he needs to tell how to behave. One thing recently that caused him to be very angry and lecture me was our sex. I have some chronic health problems which make my skin all over my body very sensitive at times. The other day we were messing around and I all of a sudden started saying: "please get off please get off" because I was having a lot of pain. I had to push him away and because of this, he got very angry with me and yelled at me for being selfish. I have absolutely no idea why he was so angry. He said that I should let myself go and not worry about anything while we are making love. I should just loose myself. He said that other boys would just dump me and I would never know why but he is doing me the favor by telling me what is wrong with my personality. I am very bad at sex because I have very little desire for it and I do not feel practically any pleasure with intercourse and I can understand why this troubles him. But I allow him to do it with me so often, I can't understand why he would call me selfish even though I have told him that it hurts. He doesn't believe me when I tell him that it hurts, he thinks that I am being shy. He may have been angry because I had promised him that I would cook him dinner the previous night but I got tired and fell asleep(because I have chronic fatigue) and he had to cook dinner as he often does and he sited this to demonstrate that I am so selfish and have a bad personality. I also often have hives and nausea and have to take antihistamines and go to sleep without spending some quality time with him or doing something I promised to do like cooking dinner. I am so confused about what he is really complaining about. I am wondering if he has trouble distinguishing between my health problems and my inner self.He gets so angry but his complaints don't make sense to me. First he calls me selfish and then when I don't change I am arrogant. I don't know how to change for him. I think that he loves me more than I love him because I feel like this is pushing me away from him. I wish I could understand why he is so angry. And if it is because he can't tell between real me and sick me, how can I make him accept my chronic illness and try to live happily around it.Because of my illness, I have trouble with relationships but I have had healthy relationships in the past when the boy loved me enough to accept me. And I believe that he has enough love to accept me but he does not seem to want to. he things that he can change me somehow and make me into a perfect girl who is never sick and enjoys sex. How would you work around this problem?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 March 2010):
 He doesnt love you. IF he loved you he would not be so critical about your love making, or lack of expertise. If you are not enjoying sex it is possibly because he is not taking care to ensure your body is ready to receive his.
If he loved you he would understand about your underlying health problems.
If he loved you he would not be calling you names.
If he loved you he would not be saying other boys would just dump you.
You ask how we would work around this problem, quite simply the best thing you could do would be to let him know its over and that he is free to go find somebody who better fits his idea of a perfect woman.
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