A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys. after a bit of advice, its really complicated to me but ill try my best to explain it. so, i started working at a job in 2009. I'm a friendly person so got on well with everyone although there was one group i got realy close with, about 6-8 of us. wed go out a lot outside work as a group, coffee,pub,nights out,bowling ect.Anyway i started to really like one of the guys and one night whilst we were out at the pub he told me hed liked me for a while and so i was made up as i liked him too. we kissed and was like we were together for the remainder of the night. the next day in work he acted like nothing happened. i know im stupid but this is how it carried on for until now. when hes drunk he tells me hes now fallen in love with me,(after 4 years of knowing him) and asks me to be his girlfriend and so on. then when he's sober his story turns to...he does really like me but nothing official can ever happen between us, except he wont say why he just says i'll realise soon enough and we just need to be friends. but then the next time he's drunk hell tell me he loves me again. i think possibly he just sees me as a good friend and tells me he likes me so that when were out and drunk he can have a good time.....or do you think he could genuinley love me and there is things standing in the way. how would you see it if it was you?thankyou
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is said following the ingestion of alcohol, DOES NOT COUNT!!!!!
IF'n he sez (after ingesting alcohol) that he loves you.. then THAT is total B/S......
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): It is what he says and does when he's sober that counts. Forget anything he says when he's been drinking. It is as simple as that. Don't be used.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): I'd tell him to fuck off and stop messing with my head when he's drunk or he's gone.
OP I've been him to be honest, I'm not proud but I've been that single guy, so horny and loved up while drunk I promise the world to bone anyone.
The only thing standing in the way OP is that he doesn't feel that way about you at all but when he's drunk, horny and you're there he'll be all loved up and in that moment even convince himself that it's true.
The sober him is the real him OP.
Look he's acting like a dick playing with your feelings but as that guy OP i can tell you he probably wakes up hungover and deeply regretting it but seeing as you seem to have no problem leeting him he's not going to be able to help himself.
I've lost a couple of female friends that way, I was acting like a dick and I deserved it too. But I don't do that kind of thing while in relationships, all my loved up horniness gets directed at my fiancée. But I have had head strong female friends able to deal with me acting like that too. They told me when sober to stop messing with their head while drunk or they'll walk away from our friendship, that did make me more conscious and all but stopped me doing that, any slip up then while drinking they'd literally tell me to fuck off with that shit and walk away. That always snapped me out of it and I apologised and started acting normally again.
OP you don't have to ditch him, but you do have to pull him on it, tell him he's really being a complete wreck head asshole and you'll have to stay away from him while drunk if he doesn't stop with that bullshit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): "When sober he doesn't want us "official" but when drunk he "loves me" ??"
Translation: When sober he just wants to be friends but when drunk you're good enough for him to f*ck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): He doesn't see you as a good friend OP he sees you as a good lay. When he is drunk he tells you what you want to hear and sleeps with you. The rest of the time you in the "cold and distant" zone.Why is he like that? Issues with commitment maybe, maybe just a twat who cant stop telling people he loves them when drunk (iv met or known a few people like that!) Maybe he is married or you one of several women he turns to when drunk and fancing a bit of action. YOur worth more than that so move on!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 If it were me, I would suspect him of trying to groom me to be a friend with benefits. Beyond that I wouldn't invest much time trying to figure him out. If he didn't want to date me, fine. No explanation is required and no consolation prizes would be offered.
I would treat him as a friend only and not allow him the chance to keep telling me he loved me by not spending time alone with him, drunk or sober.
Keep it simple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): OP this guy is a loser so ditch him. He seems to spend a lot of time drunk (a bad sign) and when drunk pour his heart out to you. When sober he is distant and cold. You don't want a "boyfriend" who has to be drunk to acknowledge your girlfriend status. Neither do you want a relationship with someone who is very quick to just pint out your a "friend" when sober.Regardless of the whys and wherefores, he clearly has a problem with commitment, possibly a drink problem and is using you for sex. Telling you what you want to hear when the drink is stopping him from being honest then distances himself when hes sobered up.Does he love you? If he makes you feel loved, tells you and shows you he loves you when sober and makes love to you then yes he loves you. If he just says he loves you only when drunk and leaves you feeling like you don't know what he wants or how he feels then no he doesn't.
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