A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How would people feel if they found out their spouse has been lying to them since before the marriage proposal about serious betrayals and disloyalty? Lied throughout the engagment and after marriage...What kind of a person can lie to their partner day in and day out about mistakes and broken promises committed within the relationship? Is there something seriously wrong with a person who can do that? (i.e. is this person a sociopath?) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oldernwiser +, writes (7 January 2011):
i would like to reply, but first, could u please explain what the lie(s) was/were?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Been there, it is painful, no need to question that. I've read that the greater the level of trust a person has, that the greater their pain and anguish at the discovery of betrayal. I can echo that from personal experience.
It does not mean the person who did this is a sociopath. Sociopaths continue onward with their behavior and it is SEVERE to be blunt.
The kind of person who can do this varies, from sociopaths all the way across the spectrum to those who have been abused and can't develop trust of their own with another person. Childhood abuse can actually lead to this type of behavior.
On another note:
Don't beat yourself up over this. People have a tendency to do this. Along those lines, another responder said the following....
""I'd be equally as worried about someone who ignores the signs and still says "I do""
Well, some of us begin to trust the person we are dating and become engaged to and eventually marry. It is very easy to fool someone who trusts you. Someone who doesn't trust you is always looking for those "signs", but once trust develops you stop looking for "signs" and you simply are blind to them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): I'm the poster...Just to clarify...I found out he was lying throughout the engagment and dating, only AFTER we got married. I didn't suspect he was lying during that time, but learned after marriage that some of the things he told me (or didn't tell me) were lies. And clearly would've led me to reconsider marrying him...thank you for reading and answering my question...
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 November 2010):
 It could be that they are. Most disloyalty has evidence that points to its possibility, that it should have been known prior to getting married. I'd be equally as worried about someone who ignores the signs and still says "I do", then wonders what happened as they are filing for divorce.
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