A
female
age
41-50,
*lossom3
writes:i found a email from a girl in my husbands email box that had her email address. she claims to be from adult friend finder and it read this.hey its been like a month or something since we last chatted and I was thinking about you and decided to shoot you an email to say hello. how have things been going? you remember me? hehe prolly not huh? we didnt chat for long and it has been awhile. Well if you dont remember me I wont be offended hehe and if you still interested in meeting up then lets chat! write me back to this email take care and wb soon ok?p.s. I added a pic of me to jog your memory, just incase you forgot who I am. I remember peoples faces better then email address or names lolIt was a pick of her top half naked.my question is.... do you have to be a member of this site to get emails from aff people? How would she of gotten his email address if he wasn't a member? Im new to all of this and need to know before i fall off the deep end and end my marriage. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I got to agree with most everyone else... sounds like spam to me. The odds that that topless woman wrote your husband is pretty much 1 Billion to one. Adultfriendfinder is particularly notorious for that. As soon as I read the wording in your post I thought, "Oh! Spam!" I've gotten them too... and I'm a straight woman whose never been on adultfriendfinder.Cut your husband a break... I don't think he did anything wrong.
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Here's how they get your email address. They get them by you handing out your email address to the internet. Whether it be obtained from you signing up for a certain site, or you listing your email address on a public forum. Robots do prowl the web and look for email address. If I post a fake email address here, [email address blocked] , a robot will pick that up and actually try to email it even if it's fake. What I do is set up multiple email addresses, 1 address I use just for my friends and family, while another one I use to only sign up for certain sites.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): hi these emails are sent a spam, my boyfriends gets them also me both to our hotmail addresses. they are more or less the same as the one you have described.Usually (as we did contact a few back out of curiosity) they want to add you to there msn account, after doing that they go straight into the 'routine' of inviting you to there website, where you have to have your credit card handy...lol. i wouldnt worry about this email if i were you, its just trash sent out to hundreds everyday. i dont know how they find out the addresses though, but they do!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I have received these same e-mails almost exactly and I am not even a member. How they obtain the information like the e-mail addresses is probably better off let alone, but basically they are trying to entice someone into a new subscription which you have to purchase in order to contact the member who wrote it. Please don't take it too serious as obviously women just don't go around attaching topless pics as often as they make it seem. I can almost guarantee it is a scam, because i get them from adultfriendfinder and other sites that I am not a member at, and they read almost identical to that. I hope this helps ease your mind...
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 If you are married - or in an exclusively mutual committed relationship - you should be enough for each other. Or you make every efforts to be sufficient and/or fulfill each other's needs.
Unless he is a Secret Service agent, there should be no reason for you not to want to look at his phone at all - from time to time that is not every day. Even if he is, these days it is so easy to carry two cell phones, one for his "top secret" job and one for his regular personal life. Unless you like to change the settings, he should have no reason to freak out either if you touched his cell phone. If he looked at porn sites and had porn web-chat (paid or unpaid), yes, it would be easy to get emails from the people he chatted (or perhaps met in real life after the chat).
I know it is not easy to shake off your distrust of him, particularly as you said he is (a) easily influenced by others, and (b) there had been past issues of him having affairs, but here's a few suggestions that you might want to consider.
So, first things first. Get yourself a medical check up for STDs. If by any unfortunate event you came back positive with an STD, your doctor can help you figure out an estimate of the time frame of your infection. If you have been faithful, and he has been your main man for a number of years, you can be assured that it was not you but him.
Secondly, you need to figure out how to resolve this issue. If he is not strong enough to avoid temptations, you may need to revisit your marriage situation and think what that would mean to your well being. You deserve to be with someone who thinks you are the only person in his whole wide world that he wants to be with ;-). It is not uncommon for single posting marines (or any armed force units) deployed overseas to have contracted STDs from local girls - in any country (but probably more in developing countries more than in western europe, for instance). The base has normally has their own doctors, so the "patient" finds it "convenient" to go back and forth to visit the doctor to treat his STD.
Thirdly, confront your husband and get counselling. Both of you. iIf you had any insecurity issues, he should be recognizing it and doing his best to help you overcome it. This may take time and some objections/protests from him. It is a process that is easier said than done. Unfortunately, a person will only change if s/he wants to. Whether it is addiction to porn, to smoking, to alcohol. And so forth.
Last but not least, you may want to think about consutlting with a good divorce lawyer, even if to just ask what are the financial consequences (based on various scenarios) of divorcing your husband.
Good luck and I hope you stay strong!
Cat
...............................
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (26 February 2009):
If it eases you somewhat, the way that email is worded is worded similar to way these spam messages of dating sites are worded. Especially the part where it says to reply back to that email address. They always start off saying that you may not remember them... here's something "very generic" to remind you of me that can apply to 20 million other girls and of course includes a naked picture to try to get a guy to reply back to them thinking that they will because they think they can get an easy lay. But I can probably find this same email in my mailbox that is worded exactly the same, word for word.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blossom3 +, writes (26 February 2009):
Blossom3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni can't ask him. i believe he would freak out if he knew i was checking up on him. that would be worse if i told him i was cheating on him. he freaks out if i even touch his cell phone.
this is the god honest truth. I have no issue with him seeing my emails,myspace and looking through my cell phone cause I have nothing to hide. and he knows that i would come straight out and tell him if i was messing around with someone.
here is the deal. we had an issue of him cheating at the beginning of the relationship. he only told me cuz there was a pregnancy scare. i gave him another chance and have made him work hard to gain my trust. now we are married. now i'm finding secrets about him and is raising the level of my distrust. but these are past issues before me. one has came back but it is innocent for now.
then i found out very recently that his roommate he has now (and they are very close friends)cheated on his wife when the whole unit was in hawaii this past summer. i met the roommates wife this past weekend. my husband is easily influenced by others.(which scares me). he won't admit it though. he is on deployment and he promised me he wouldn't have any kind of affair. whether it be with a girl in person or syber sex. he tells me that he knows where his heart lies and that i'm his one and only. and now i'm seeing this stuff in his email box. it could totally be something purely innocent. but i know he does look at porn sites, which is normal and he thrives on us sending eachother dirty messages. i just don't know for sure if i'm enough for him.
Should i just let it go and not invade his privacy anymore to full fill my insecurities?
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (26 February 2009):
Ask him.
But, there are at least a few innocent possibilities.
Phishing - she gets email addresses from various sources, and was "fishing" out replies from emails she sent.
Virus/Worm - also from other people's email address that the obtained illegaly. Again, she will only need to wait until the person she sent emails to replies back.
Social network sites - again, she just hit these sites to send emails until she gets replies.
All of the above, could have the same content of email, as if she knows the guy real well. People answer innoncently sometimes, like "I am sorry, but you sent to the wrong address". This is when they start spamming the recipient.
Another possibility, is of course, yes, your husband may have registered online. If he paid for this, you can always check his credit card(s) statements. But free members can also get contacted by paid members (I know, I registered as a free member on a site ... except that no one contacted me ... LOL)
Either way, it is best to ask him directly. Especially if you and him are okay with looking at each other's emails at home.
Hope all works out well for you.
Cat
...............................
|
