A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:How would any of you feel if your spouse never talked to you? Been married a number of years to a man who never opens up. He's kind to me, he provides for me, but I never feel close to him and it's getting harder to have sex with him because we have no intimacy otherwise. I have told him many times that I do not understand why he's always so secretive. I know he doesn't have another woman. He's home with me every night but I have to do all the talking. When he goes through things at work, he doesn't come home and open up to me, lean on me for advise, or share his feeling with me. He keeps everything insdie. Most things I find out by accident or from other people. What would make a man do this? I know he's the strong silent type, but it's driving me away and I've told him this time and again. I am now moving out, and he's devastated. But I've lost all feelings for him because I've felt like an outsider in this relationship all along. I cannot pretend I'm happy any more. Marriage counseling hasn't resolved a thing either. The counselor notes that he does not volley conversation and is very guarded with his answers. He answers yes, or no, and doesn't elaborate or open up about anything. Has anyone else gone through this, and am I wrong for wanting out?
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reader, Tommy7  +, writes (21 September 2007):
Ask questions that can't be answered with a yes or now. It may take a long time to train him out of his silent ways.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 September 2007):
 He's an introvert. It's a personality type where these behaviors come out. Marriage counseling deals with things that are a product of the marriage. All though his behavior is affecting the marriage, it's more a product of himself. He would need to seek standard counseling to work on learning what you're needs are in the marriage and setting goals and a treatment to reach those goals. Introverts keeps things in, they have trouble discussing their feelings, their answers are protected because they fear saying something that would cause someone to look less on them. They don't discuss their issues with others, because they feel as if it's their own problem and they don't want to involve other people.
I feel sorry for you having to deal with this, but I also feel sorry for him going through what he is. Imagine being the kind of person where many things that would really bother someone else wouldn't phase you a bit.
We all hear about developmental stages from childhood to adulthood. Many introverts have had something happen to them to cause them to not open up, others it's biological. If parents weren't very responsive, their children will learn that emotions are felt and not discussed also.
All I can say is go to a regular counselor. He'll need a plan to help him relearn some communication skills, and have to come to an understanding of how important those are to keep healthy relationships.
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