A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help. Last year I was in an abusive relationship for 8 months (it was my first serious relationship, I am 18 years old). A friend of mine introduced me to his mate a few weeks ago and he got my number of our mate we both share. Since then hes been calling/texting me and talking to me on msn and asked me out on a date for this weekend. I said yes but have now cancelled it because I am SOOOOOO scared and I honestly dont know if I am even ready to start dating again. I am scared that he will be an abuser and I wont see it till its to late, or I will see it, but ill make excuses for him and put up with it. So having said all that, im not sure if im ready yet if I dont think im strong enough to be able to stick up for myself if I am in a similar situation again. And in a way im not even sure if I want a bf. I have been so much happier and feeling secure while being single, where as in my previous relationship I was so unhappy and constantly felt insecure. So here are my questions...How do you know when your ready for a new relationship? do you think i am ready?What sorts of things give away that a person is an abuser? Are there certain questions you can ask or topics you can talk about to be able to get some idea of whether or not they might be an abuser? Should I organise another date? thanks for any help and im sorry this was so long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I was surfing looking for answers to a similar question. I recently met a guy who seems very sweet and likes me. the thing is i can't relax enough to decide whether i even want a relationship with this guy. 2 years ago (next week) my then boyfriend broke up with me suddenly and seemingly without reason, he 'felt different'. I was devestated, we had been together for three years and i thought he was the one. it took me a long time to get over it and for a while i went a bit wild. So this new guy is forst kind of rlationship i've had since and it's freaking me out. My friends say that you will know if its right but after a month i'm still confused.I think you ae scared at the moment, but as long as you always always listen to your instincts things will work out. Try not to let your past experiances affect what could be the start of something good. arrange another date, where is the harm..your not commiting to him for life...its just one night, see where it goes and at the end of it if you still feel panicky then maybe he's not the one for you and theres no harm done. While my relationship wasn't abusive i've known people in that situation, but remember that not all guys are the same, dont let it overshadow your life...
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 When you are ready , you don't have any worries.It comes naturally.
It is not easy to detect an abuser. If he shows displeasure on what he does not like, then most probably he is an abuser. Any controlling or manipulative actions could also reveal his abusive nature.
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