A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have a dilemma where i've lost my wife's trust due to some stupid decisions i've made by chatting to women on facebook and texting someone else flirtatiously and now face a situation where my marraige is in doubt.How do i win back her trust and what do i need to do in order for me to restore my marraige?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008):
Dear Poster
thanks for the update and the information, it makes it easier to form a overall picture and to give you advice.
Look carefully at the definition of emotional infidelity
1. Falling in love with another person while in a committed relationship with another, and where there is no physical contact.
2. Placing attention (such as flirting) on another that should instead be given to one's partner or spouse.
Okay, so you realize that you have been wrong and we can understand the hurt your wife is suffering; given her background, growing up with a single parent; this can be even more traumatic to her; creating fear of being alone, creating insecurities of losing you of a failing relationship of feeling hurt and humiliated to mention but a few.
I do suggest you talk to her in a very loving calm manner and explain it all to her, like you explained it to us; how you felt lonely, that she was not there for you at the time, the attention everything; you need to explain your actions to her; you have to re assure her that you are sorry, how much you regret it and that you will not do it again; that you will not hurt her again.
Give her lots of affection, attention; pay her compliments; Go back to courting behavior and start romancing her again.
Herewith a link with lots of information that might be very useful to you.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/trustissues/ht/rebuildtrust.htm
I do believe that you will both benefit to go for counseling and it will be one of the best ways to get your relationship back on track and to help her to deal with the hurt and you to deal with the guilt.
You are welcome to contact me by PM if I can be of any further assistance.
Hope all works out well for you.
Best wishes; lots of smiles and keep us posted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'd just like to thank you for your reply. My wife and i have a very good sex life and i love her dearly. there were times when she was rather cold towards me because she grew up with a single parent. as for my online chatting with women, well it really got to a point where it became more of a challenge than lustful.i was being given the attention by my listeners(i am a radio dj) and it boosted my ego I guess. it filled the void not shown by my wife and the bad thing is that I told her a few times that i felt lonely but she didn't really take my call to heart.that was not the reason why i ventured elsewhere.i didn't sleep with these women. it was just sexual banter online and via text messaging.all this happened some 4 months ago and i saw the impact it had on my marraige and stopped.the sad thngfor me to see right now is the hurt my wife is enduring.in the past we both thought that flirting was ok and that is where we were comfortable with doing this however with me i took it to another level and now it is causing so much heartache.i need to find a way to get my wife back despite everything that has happened because i've let her down terribly and i so much want her back with me.i hope that you can somehow give me an idea where to start and what to do from here on in. i want her to start trusting me again.what do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Dear Poster
I want to help you but need more information.
I need to know if you have ever had meetings with any of these girls; did you develop any type of emotional relationship with any of these girls?
How strong was your bonding with them? How often were you online with them?
What I am trying to establish is, how serious was your involvement with any of these girls. Was it just casual chatting or was there more to it. I need to know your honest answer on this to be able to understand your wife's feelings.
Did you discuss these girls with your wife or was it a secret that she discovered?
You mentioned your marriage is in doubt; why, what did she say? Is she considering a divorce? Was there other marital problems before? What was your sex life like?
Were you in a happy loving relationship or was there compatibility problems?
Unfortunately, I can only give you assistance and advice if you give more information.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Firstly, since you have admitted that by chatting to other women you have caused problems in your marriage, you have to then decide if you realy and truely want to get your marriage back on track. You will have to decide if you are all done with the cheating on the internet, if you are not going to give up this flirting then you are to blame for the breakdown of your marriage. However if you decide that you marriage is so important to you, you will have to work at getting your wife to trust you again. It might take a very long time, by that I mean years before she starts to trust you again. Be honest and open with her, if she asks you a question answer her truthfully, as she will know if you are not being honest. Do not hide anything from her and stay away from the computer, if you have to surf the net, ask her if she would like to sit with you while you surf the net.
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