How To Trust Again

A female age 36-40, Curiousbynature writes:

Trusting someone with your emotions is sometimes a recipe for disaster. Sometimes trusting someone is harder to get an A on a paper you thought you got an F on. Trust starts from within and it is one of the deepest qualities of yourself you can control. I have not been the most trustworthy person in my past. I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years in high school with almost all of his friends. Once I ended it, he got violent and I refused to ever stay in a relationship where there was no trust. There was trust, he trusted me, and for that I feel awful. I finally got my own corruptive relationship. I was dating someone, long distance, and he was cheating on me from the very first day we met one another. Now they are married. At first I did not understand why someone would cheat on me. My immediate reaction was he just could not resist me and had to see what I had going on. But, after futher consideration, I figured out that he is selfish and uncontrolling. What I did not predict was how messed up I would be after the matter. Well, I dated very quickly after that, about 3 or 4 guys at a time. That was a mess and I ended up dumping them in less than 2 weeks. Then I dated a jerk who was very controlling. That did not last too long. But I did notice one time on my way home I drove past his house. I was being a psycho. I could not believe I had turned into all those women I had pitied. Well, then my next relationship we basically lived together. He was not even in my level, meaning he was not as good looking as me, and surely not as athletic, and I am the girl. Anyway we broke up about every month because I would do something stupid, like once I called him a name four or five times in a night and it wasnt his name. Or then I would get text messages from guys I previously dated at 2 o'clock in the morning. Then I would lie about them and get caught up in my lies. Somehow, we stayed together... then I started not believing where he was. I started to think he might cheat on me. I had to get over this. So I broke up with him because he went crazy on me about nothing that was my fault. I mean this, he had some mental issues. Anger management was one of them. Now I am with someone who I could see the rest of my life spent with him. And I am starting to have those crazy feelings again. I cant believe I cant trust him. I need to be confident and understand that he would not do that to me. I have noticed that typing on here, helps me more than anything. I thought you women out there should know that. You cant hold it in, get it out. And I am planning on seeing a therapist. I know it cant hurt. I just need to express my feelings before they get me in trouble again! Good luck ladies. But I feel if I can learn and teach myself to trust again, I can make this relationship everlasting!

View related questions: broke up, cheated on my boyfriend, long distance, text, violent

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A female reader, Curiousbynature  +, writes (28 July 2008):

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A female reader, superxdee90  +, writes (25 July 2008):

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