A
male
age
36-40,
*ookieOnLove
writes:I need some advice people! Some may have followed my questions here for a few months, there is a woman I like, we started off great, then she became very very quiet for the last 4 months. I did try to contact her a lot, phone-email-text-letter you name it, no response that satisfied me.Spoke to her yesterday, she promised to call me, she never, fell asleep, even though I stressed it was important we spoke. She said she has moments when she goes quiet on the world, even if true, she could just say that to me and not make me think all sorts of things.Essentially, this morning, I made it clear that again I was hurt by her actions, I think she may call this afternoon. I do want to end this feeling, what should I say to her? How can I phrase things so I don't hurt her feelings? I want to be a man about things, should I take some of the stick and say I expected too much? I want her to have a good memory of me, I will try do the same, however this memory is one I won't forget. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I really don't think you should say anything, especially after you've already made it clear that you were disappointed.
When someone states outright or gives you the impression they want space, the appropriate thing to do is give it to them. Pressing on to the point that you're hurt is very pushy. By your own admission you 'did contact her alot'.
I can't imagine what you had to say to her that was so important that she had to schedule a phone appointment. You don't seem to be close enough to her to have any serious emergency she ought to be made aware of.
What I think is happening here is this woman feels crowded by you. On top of that she has your 'hurt' looming over her like a dark cloud. Your friendship has become more of a chore for her and she hasn't the energy to deal with you effectively. Think about it. If she was eager to speak to you, you'd have heard from her long before now.
All those subtle hints you've been sending her way - she got them. All of them. She knows you're anxious to talk to her and she knows you're disppointed at not being able to. That is probably part of the reason she isn't eager to speak with you.
The best you can do, for both of you, is leave her alone. She isn't interested in you romantically (not anymore anyway if she ever was) and if she wants a friendship she knows how to reach you. Let her chase you.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 To me it sounds like she just simply does not want to contact you. Am sorry but I really don't think she is interested in keeping up contact. Talk to her if you wish and tell her that you have felt hurt by her rejection but that you also know that you probably did come on to strong and just ask her to be honest with you and allow her to tell you what she wants and if she wants you contacting her.
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