A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After being introduced to a new group of people I found myself thinking about this guy all the time, I worked with him and his group for a week however stayed good friends. I really liked him but I didn't let on and we exchanged emails for a long while, having a really good laugh - I wanted to be friends with him before I would let anything happen if he felt the same, but I really was falling for him pretty bad and he seemed pretty eager to talk to me too on email, however face to face he was really shy but I did get the impression it was a nervous thing and that we were going somewhere.However I made the mistake of telling my friends, one who decided to play cupid and told him how I felt. It started with random hints then full out just asking him if he'd go on "one date" with me which I could see made him feel awkward and I hated it but I couldn't shut her up, she just kept telling me I wasn't forward enough and that she was helping me. Finally I was devastated when she sent him a copy of our IM conversation where I ranted about him not talking to me much on a night out and how I thought he liked another girl anyways. He replied that she shouldn't have done that and that she (my friend) had made it pretty clear how I felt but that he wasn't ready for dating even though I was a nice girl and that he just didn't know me well enough (hence why I wanted to get to know him and be friends as I knew he was like that) He also said the girl I thought he was interested in was just a friend who had a boyfriend and was like his sister.To cut a long story short, we've barely spoken since. I emailed him to apologise for my friends email and pretended that I wasn't into dating and the whole IM conversation was just to put my friend off trying to set us up as it was annoying. Thankfully he saw the funny side but I felt like my game was up, suddenly I wasn't a challenge for him and I felt awkward any time we were out with our friends around him.His girl friend broke up with her boyfriend a few months later and him and her were dating within that week. I don't know if they've secretly been in love or if she was on the rebound but I still can't get him out of my head. I've tried moving on but it's hard when there's no one to move on to.How can I forget about him? Should I even try and be friends and if so, how should I go about that? I don't know if he told his then girl friend about the IM thing and that I liked him, before she was his girlfriend. She hasn't hinted it, but she's not as warm to me as she is to my other friends so a part of me thinks he has and if that's so i'd feel awkward just messaging him on FB incase she reads it and thinks i'm firing into her man. I don't want to steal him from her as they've been close friends for a while and i'm just not like that, but I just wish I could know where to go from here. I can't think how to have the courage to talk to him now without being extremely embarrassed.Argh.
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broke up, crush, move on, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBunnyTee, thanks for your advice. Although i've kept my friend, i've also kept her far away from anything I don't want the entire world to know!
And I think you're both right, I have to move on. Thankfully he'll be off to Uni soon, so I won't have to see him every weekend i'm out!
Really appreciate your answers, thank you.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 First off- breach of confidence is a serious offense between friends and once is too often. Your friend, isn't. Since we all know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, you've just learned this pricey lesson. Her breach of your confidence along with your reasonable expectation of privacy is atrocious as well as downright stupid and pretty much unforgivable. So do yourself a huge favor and no longer trust this "friend" retire her to the casual acquaintance list.
If the guy in question was dating the girl who broke up with her b/f within a week then yes, there was certainly something afoot for a while there. You should be wondering why right about now. Leave them to it. Interfering will only result in one or both of them turning upon you. So it looks like you didn't in this one, accept that and go on about your business. There ARE other guys out there. It's not as if he's the only one left on the planet. So go find yourself a guy outside of this muck and mess!
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