A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've read article after article of women who have husbands that are no longer sexually interested in them. I am in the same boat. The details of my situation can be spared because they will only make us sad. I just want to know what happens next? Is it worth staying in a sexless marriage for the kids? I am asking those of you who stayed, how you feel now about staying...and those of you who moved on, how did it affect you and your children?I am deeply sad and suffering from sleep disorder and anxiety because of this passionless rejection. I have tried everything I can think of. I have never had intimacy trouble in any other relationship so I have no idea how to deal with it. He has had issues in this area previously and they ended. It's different between us because we have children. I just really have no idea what to do but I want the pain to stop. I have never felt so lonely, even when I was single. He refuses counseling and insists it's only me who has a problem. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTiming is everything. Just as I was at my wit's end...he comes home last night and tells me he is ready for a break. I bring up counseling again but he refuses and says he'd rather just break it off without prolonging it anymore.
I am happy to not have to make this decision and feel a sense of relief that he's gone.
Sad too though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): "insists it's only me who has a problem." He's right, it is only you that has a problem and that problem is him.
He's not willing to change, nor compromise so that's that OP.
You have two choices, the first stay with him and let your kids be raised by a mother who is slowly having her soul crushed, unhappy, depressed, frustrated and lonely. A woman who will become bitter, lose all her self worth, self belief. Let them feel the shame and guilt when they become adults of being the only reason you stayed in that hell of a marriage, when they look at their broken mother in the future what are they going to think OP?
Is staying in a false loveless marriage pretending to be something she's not all because she thinks that's what's best for her kids really the life a woman should lead?
No OP, a happy, satisfied mother that is both loved and fulfilled is what kids need. Not a hollow husk of a woman that can't even look at their father without a festering hatred of everything he stands for.
Your choice OP, which would have you preferred for your own mother? Imagine your kids as adults, what do you think they would advise you to do? They would tell you exactly what you know you have to do, because that's what you would want them to do and that's what you teach them by leading by example. Would you want any of your kids to think it's acceptable to be treated that way? Not for a second OP.
Your decision is clear. Perhaps the act of you leaving will a spur a change in him. Either way, life can't go on like this, for neither you nor your kids.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
 "He refuses counseling and insists it's only me who has a problem."
Above all else this statement tells us what you mean to him. You're not worth the effort on his end. That's what this means. Why would you want to be with a person who doesn't care enough about you or your relationship to try to fix a problem. In a relationship, when one person has a problem, it's both people's problem. That's just how it works.
Staying together just because of the kids often leads to resentment of your kids. They become the reason for your misery. Please don't do that to your kids.
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