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anonymous
writes: I'm a 24-year-old lesbian. I've been out on my own for ten years, and so I often find myself associating with much older people. I have been friends with this lesbian couple about four years now. Last January, I went overseas with one of the couple and we fell for each other hard and fast. We went on another trip in February and by March or April we were sleeping together. She still lives with her current partner, but they do not have sex. I am a "friend" (albeit a bad friend) to them both, but I find it so painful that she won't leave her current to be with me (she is a professional and got laid off a year ago- she can't afford to live without her, so she says). I know she will never, ever leave her (since she hasn't left her in this entire year), but I can't stop myself from sleeping with her. I've tried to stop being friends with them to avoid her, but how can I do that without telling the other woman that I've been sleeping with her girlfriend?What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I'm in a very similar situation. God, it sucks! It's killing me and my self esteem. I can't seem to stop because we love each other, but I guess she loves her girlfriend more and that's what I need to tell myself so that I can walk away.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (5 February 2005):
 Hi there,Since you don't seem to have any ethical objection to sleeping with half a couple, potentially alienating one partner (I'm glad you at least acknowledge feeling a little guilty), and since you want to stop yourself from seducing this woman each time you see her, it's time for Little White Lies.You don't have to be brutally honest. Just gradually stop dropping by and stop accepting invitations. By all means, tell the woman you're sleeping with in advance that you're doing it to prevent yourself from succummbing to temptation. If you're really pressed for a reason, say that work is really out of hand just now and you have to stay back, or you have a new workout regime or you're taking a class in tae kwan do. Or, consider actually *taking* a class in tae kwan do, if it will keep you out of harm's way and help you keep your hands to yourself.The other, obvious suggestion is get back out there and start dating other women. If you find someone else who warms your cockles (so to speak), you'll be far less tempted to keep coming back to your coupled-up friends.
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