A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: We were in a time of "space that he wanted". It has been 1 month now. He has talked tome briefly, he is taking it slow. I had plans already before all this happened and got a job and am moving next week. Last time I talked with him he was very happy that I was working now since after college there was a time of transition. We talked for 10 minutes and then he said he had to go. He was at work. Today I texted him and gave him an invite to go to a Halloween party. As of now he has not contacted me and we are still long distance until I move. I just wanted some input as to what he may be thinking.
View related questions:
at work, long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (31 October 2010):
Hey. Are you moving closer to him? I think that you should not invite him anywhere or ask to see him. Rarely contact him beccause, after all, he wanted space. Give him exactly what he wanted. When he contacts him do not sound bitter, be happy to hear from him, relaxed and genuine. It is all about building happy positive moments. When he starts initiating outings, visits, and conversation more than you can ease into it slowly. But be sure to give him space, if not, you WILL push him away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Accept that it is over. He was not the ''one'' no matter how you felt earlier. You are going through grief over this breakup. But your first priority must be you. Concentrate on your new job. Assess if your wardrobe of clothes co-ordinate well and all look sufficiently professional for your new job. Work out a new budget that reduces debt and concentrates on (permanently) saving a set amount each week. Do a tourist circuit of your new domicile so you learn what this place has to offer and what places the people admire and want to tell newcomers about. And find some new interests in the new place so you dont have time to dwell on this man who is now ''over'' you as he concentrates on putting some emotional and physical distance between the two of you. And dont go looking for a new man yet. Instead do some analysis and write out a SWOT analysis of your ideal man (do not just list all Mr I want some space). How can you go shopping for a new man and recognise him when you find him, if you have not yet really envisioned what your ideal man will have as attributes. Believe me it is easier to discard the unacceptable ones and embrace the acceptable me (to your exacting standards) once you have done this SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis. That analysis will deal with how the man treats his family, how his peers relate to him, is he financially stable, what are his plans for the future. Put anything on the list which is important to you. Do not discuss the list with anyone else, otherwise you will censor yourself, and end up adding things that are important to other people, but not to you. Getting your career is most important. Once your life is full and interesting and more fulfilled then interesting fulfilled smart men will find you. Find some new interests in the new place. Depending on your level of fitness you could consider rock climbing or rock climbing wall. Or fitness that aims for you to walk - to a daily 10,000 steps walk (get a pedometer to track your daily walking steps capacity). Find out what community groups interest you in your new community. You can do yourself some good and others by joining something that is doung good in the community on a volunteer basis. Join the library in the new place. i think Halloween invite is pushing things too mUch. He wanted space but your actions are signalling that you want it to restart, and now. One month is not enough 'space'. Besides ''space'' is man-code for ''i am over you, but want to break up amicably without too much drama from you, as we drift apart, and inevitably find someone else''. And deep down you are ready to move on too.
...............................
|
