A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My brother-in-law is a recovered alcoholic. The last time he drank was 11 years ago, when he got so drunk that he is surprised he did not die from alcoholic poisoning (he had to buy a new bad because he woke up with everything covered in vomit). Two days later, he met his doctor and a priest who is his friend at the doctor's office. After a complete physical, the priest who is also a recovered alcoholic, took him to rehab for alcoholics. 11 years and he has not drank any alcoholic beverages. Last Christmas, he had Christmas at his house and also invited my family with the understanding that no one would bring alcoholic beverages and we all agreed. My parents knew and agreed to the no alcoholic beverages rule.My parents decided to bring an ice chest full of alcoholic beverages. My brother-in-law asked them to leave it in their car and when they refused, he called the police and had them escorted off his property. He does not feel comfortable having alcoholic beverages in his house. My brother-in-law is pretty cool. He even told us that next Christmas, he is willing to celebrate Christmas breakfast or Christmas lunch if that would be easier for us. I prefer if he celebrate Christmas dinner with us since my kids (his niece and nephew) are extremely close to him and we (My husband and I) want them to Christmas evening with their uncle. Any recommendations on how I can invite my brother-in-law to Christmas dinner and make him feel comfortable? Any way to make my parents understand that whatever rules we make for our house, they need to follow it?Can we talked to the priest for advice?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2018):
 Your parents sound very disrespectful. What they done was selfish and cruel. Now if they where hosting it in there own home then it would be there choice but they never should have accepted the invite if they where going to bring alcohol when asked not to.
You need to simply explain to them if they want to come for Christmas dinner then there will be no alcohol involved. It is only fair considering you have young children in the house as well. Yes a lot off people associate Christmas with having a few drinks but am sure they can wait until night time and when they are in there own home. If they cannot accept your rules then I would be telling them that they are not welcome.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2018): Your parents need to brush-up on their etiquette. The host has every right to set the tone and the atmosphere in their home; and whatever rules they set must be honored. It's terribly bad-manners and an insult to the host/hostess; to ignore the house-rules, and their right to entertain without alcohol.
A relapse can plunge an alcoholic back into uncontrollable drunkenness. Most reasonable and intelligent adults are very much aware of this. It could be a matter of life and death.
It's so unfortunate the police had to be called to enforce the rules in your own house; and they would have to draw such attention from his neighbors during the holiday season. How hurtful that must have been for you and everyone.
Talk to him and explain your intentions. If you invite your parents, warn them well ahead of time. You will ask them to leave; if they insist on disrespecting the rules of hospitality. There will be no alcohol consumption at your dinner party. No exceptions.
I would personally entertain my brother-in-law and his family on separate nights from your parents. If they wish to bring booze, they can feel free to do so in his absence. If kids are around, there shouldn't be drinking in their presence anyway. Not to mention the police are out in full-force during the holiday season to snag drunk-drivers!
A DUI goes on your record, they pull your drivers license, you could spend the night in jail; and in some states, you have to attend weeks of alcohol-counseling as a legal-requirement to getting your license back. Lay that on them!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2018):
 I think it's easy, you tell your parents if they bring alcohol they aren't welcome. If it's YOUR house they need to be respectful of that.
For some alcoholics just seeing others drink can make the relapse even after 11 years and QUITE frankly... you parents can do with out a drink for Christmas.
Or like the anon suggests - split up the people, do either BIL or your parents on a separate day. That might actually be easier as there will be no drama over alcohol.
While I DO think he overreacted with calling the police on them, your parents were acting thoughtless, selfish and disrespectful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2018): It was very thoughtless of your parents to bring alcohol despite being asked not to.It's an important issue to a recovering alcoholic because one drink could set him back into a pathway that could rapidly result in his death so I understand his need to escort them away.However it's very unlikely that they do and quite probably they are alcoholic s in denial.They believe that you need the alcohol for Xmas and so many of us are conditioned into that way of thought so I understand they just assumed they were bringing some Xmas cheer.I would keep the two factions totally separate.For example your parents for Xmas and your brother in law for boxing day.I would give Xmas day to your folks because they were humiliated last year and you have groundwork to repair in your relationships.Your brother in law should be happy to do Boxing day instead this year.
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