A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically I'm in a relationship with a guy who is 25 but never been loved in his whole life, not by his parents, friends and never before been in a relationship. Because of this when something goes bad in his life he becomes very isolated because he been conditioned to believe everyone will let him down at some point he has to take everything on by himself. Needless to say this can create problems in our relationship because his parents have treated him bad over his life with numerous insults telling him he is worthless, a child, disrespectful, etc. So when he is feeling down he regresses to his shell and those memories come back and he thinks it's true and feels he is not worth someone's time he is not worth loving. He had an argument with his dad last week and we haven't really talked at all since then. When we finally talked today he actually got angry at me for caring about him and worrying about him this week when I hadn't heard from him. When I said how worried I'd been he said he wished he never told me he had a fight with his dad and he didn't need me to worry about him or care about him and in fact said having people care about you is a bad thing. Again back to the feelings that he isn't worth anyone's time and he isolates himself and tries to do it all on his own. Does anyone have any advice to how to handle this situation? I'm really at a loss here, I've had a great relationship with my parents growing up, plenty of friends who support me and care about me so it's incredibly hard for me to understand this, all I know is he suffered a lot of pain in his life and thus far has shouldered that burden all on his own. When everyone in your life has let you down how do convince him your different and he is a person worthy of love and care? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): I was similar as a kid. There's a way out though. The problem is that since the family was fighting a lot, I was on my own. Everybody else was an enemy. Later, after the divorce, when all settled, things became "normal", but I was still closed, distrustful, because I simply could not believe that somebody could do something for me without getting something out of it. Before, everything in my life was a deal. I had never experienced "uncinditional love". What made me change my mind was actually female friends at school. They were flirting with me, of course as a teenager I was too dumb to understand that, but I received a lot of attention and unconditional help. I guess your dude could open up to you if you show him that,. I know you did, but it's not getting into him. Perhaps explaining this like to a five-year-old would help. Remember, the male population is analytical, can understand complex ideas, but must take information in small, unconnedted bits (or in ladies' language, "men are dumb and clueless" ;) ).Good luck!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 My only advice is move slowly and with great care and empathy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): That would be hard.
Your asking for the moon for someone like him to change.
I can sense this person means a lot to you. The only way to get this persons trust is if you prove to him that your not like the rest.
How? These days everything seems have an expiration date. Maybe show him your endless. By giving him love care patience and understanding.
Have faith pray to god.
If this person is the one then trust the lord with all of your heart.
Do something distinctive like something special no one has ever done for him before. Be creative.
To be honest i cant stand a drama king person however i think you really love this person so i guess , maybe i should give u a nice advice
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