A
male
age
36-40,
*scarMike21
writes:I met this girl online about 3 weeks ago and we seem to hit off, we talked consistently everyday online via IM. She seemed really into me and I really like her. I asked her out on a date just last week and the date went pretty smoothly, we laughed and joked and had a great time. Now she warned me that she's a lot of drama and that her past relationship with her ex still bothers her to an extent. They went out for 4 years and she has been broken up with him for 9 months now. I know it's a general rule of thumb that pursuing a girl that is not ENTIRELY over her ex is a big no no, but she seemed genuinely into me, so it didn't bother me a whole lot. So the day after the date I texted her that I had a great time and hope she did as well. No response. That's ok...maybe she's busy. The following day I texted her once more...and still no response. She hadn't been online those past two days, so I thought i'd leave it at that, maybe she doesn't like me as much as I thought she did. She did mention to me in a prior conversation that she's not much of a phone person. (I know, a 23 year old girl that doesn't love to text?)The following day she appeared online and said she was sorry for being unresponsive and MIA, and that she's dealing with some personal issues at the moment, but wouldn't give any details. I told her I understood. So yesterday I texted her that I hope everything is alright with her...no response. Since that chat though, she hasn't been online or contacted me and now it's been nearly a week with nothing. I know I should give her time and space...but a part of me thinks that maybe she could be lying and is trying to just avoid me altogether. Is she trying to avoid me? Should I try calling her to see what's up or just leave her be? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): My first instinct was that she could genuinely be going through some stuff and is trying to sort it all out at the moment. But it is odd timing how she became unresponsive straight after the date. And to not explain at all what is going on, even though you used to have a lot of regular contact, seems a bit unfair to me. Sometimes we all go through things which demand out time and attention, and we don't always wish to go into details. But I think to a certain extent it is simply polite to give someone an explanation. Even just to reassure them. So I can imagine how unpleasant this must be for you.
If she is not responding to your messages, I would say to stop trying. It doesn't seem to be making any difference, so why keep on? I'd recommend to stop contacting her for now, and see if she contacts you at some point. Maybe after a week or so, if you have still not heard from her, you could try again. If she is genuinely going through something, things might be calmer by then.
But if you still get no response from her, then I think you might have to consider moving on, as it doesn't sound good to me. Don't take it personally though, I am sure this is not about you at all. Like she said on the date, she still feels troubled over her ex, so that is probably a factor, otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it. And sometimes, these things just don't work out. So try not to feel too down if she doesn't get back to you. I do hope it goes well though. x
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