A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex husband and I have been divorced for over 8 years. We have two children one teenager and one pre-teen who I have been taking careof full time since the divorced. I've provided an excellent living condition for both children, living in a new house, attending private schools, two international vacations per year, and good food and activities with friends. Ex husband has only begun paying $900 per child per month in child support two years ago.Recently I had to leave on a business trip for 4 months and asked for the kids to stay with him. He didn't pay child support for 4 months but instead rented a small bedroom ($500 rent, he saves $1,300 from not giving me child support during these 4 months) for my son and daughter to share - one small bed for both. As my daughter is a teenager, she feels uncomfortable sharing a bed with my son. I've asked ex husband to rent a nicer house for the children so they can each have a room and can use the kitchen to cook and enjoy the comfort of a home. I said when I return next month, I will take over the rent. He refuses saying HE DOESN'T WANT TO HELP ME!! Help me??? Those are his children!!! Even my own mother is saying that I have to be nice and sweet talk him and beg him to help ME!! Are they out of their minds or am I missing something here? Please advise on how to handle! Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2017): Dear Code Warrior,Your reply made me laugh... I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences with child support.1. I did not file any court paperwork. I only accepted his child support when he willingly gave. I'm not planning in filing any court orders. 2. The first 4-5 years after our separation, I Supported Him! I invited and paid for dinners and international travel for him, the kids, and myself because I felt that although him and I are divorced, we should still try our best to do family events with the kids. After about 5 years I stopped because I saw that he wasn't taking the initiative to bond with the kids outside of my invitations for him to join us.3. Aside from not having a job the FIRST year after our divorce, he has always had a job making $85,000 per year. I have also loaned him money during the first year after divorce when he didn't have a job, never asked him to repay it. I have taken care of his mother and sister, allowing them to stay with me rent free!4. He NEVER took time off to take care if the children while I'm at work and the children have a day off from school. I took off from work or I'd work from home or work half day. I drive the kids to school and the school bus drops them off.5. Even while he is currently "taking care" of the kids, he doesn't cook for them. He goes to work at 9am and returns at 7:30pm. My daughter cooks lunch and dinner. He just comes home and expects a meal! 6. He did take them grocery shopping. The first month, he did pay for groceries. After that, I noticed that I put money in my daughter's bank account and she has an debit card to use.. he has been asking MY DAUGHTER to pay for groceries telling her he doesn't have money! I can go on and on and on... but I made my first post simple because I don't think everyone wants to hear what a scumbag he is! Yet still, I never said one bad word to my kids about him.Kids cannot stay with my mom because she lives far away. I rent a house and the owner took it back to put it on market to sell. Timing just happened the way it did. My stuff is in storage. I am looking for a new place to rent when I return home next month. I've contacted a broker who might be able to help me secure a place prior to my return.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2017): Is it possible for the kids to live with their grandparents? If there is ample room for each to have separate places to sleep? Your children are too old to sleep in the same bed. If one is a girl and one a boy, that is unacceptable!
First-off, until he has adequate sleeping arrangements for the teens; they shouldn't stay over-night. He has purposely created that problem; because he really doesn't want them to stay-over.
Why you can't see that is beyond me. Why would the father of two growing teenagers rent a place almost too small for himself; unless he was squeezing out his kids?
He's resentful that he has to pay child-support. Well, that's just too bad!!! He's forcing you to find other accommodations when you're away; so he can date and have women over. He is also being contrary for the purpose of showing his contempt for having to shell-out his share of financial-support. He feels they're your financial responsibility since you apparently earn more than he does.
So to retaliate, or in protest, he down-sizes his living quarters. How well does he get along with the children? He seems like an ass!
Well, push comes to shove; you might have to have a relative live with the kids at your house while you're away. I mean someone reliable and will keep a close eye on teens. They are very clever and resourceful. As you know!
Oh, as for not making him look after his kids? You can consider increasing his child-support payments and let him see even less of them. Perhaps that doesn't matter, but at least he will do his share. They deserve the best education and a good life. Then you will have the additional income necessary to hire a temporary live-in nanny.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2017):
 Do you have a home?
If so, wouldn't it be easier for him to stay there while you are gone? OR HIRE someone to be there while you are gone? Don't you have another family members that can stay?
I get that a teenage girl should share a bed with a pre-teen boy (even if it is her brother) but it is UP to him to PROVIDE a place for them to stay, a roof over their head ect, not a HOUSE YOU would approve of. She could have the sofa or a cot for that amount of time.
Honestly? I think it would MUCH easier if he stayed at your house. You still have to pay rent etc. The kids are in the familiar environment, school, the friends nearby.
If he doesn't WANT to look after the kids, you CAN'T make him. Which means you need to find someone else.
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