A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 30-year-old male who, due to many factors, has been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex. I didn't date in any form for most of my 20s due to personal issues. I've managed to turn things around a bit these past two years - I moved to a large East Coast city, got a good job, and eased myself into the local dating pool.To further complicate matters, I have had sex, but only once. It was a textbook one-night stand that happened a few months ago - I literally had never met the woman before that night, we were both drinking, things suddenly got a bit physical, and well, you can imagine the rest. The one-night aspect was pretty much her idea - she seemed to have no interest in giving out her number or ever seeing me again. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm not really ashamed either - I was totally unattached and really had no reason not to go along with it. Still, it's definitely not the sort of person I normally am - if she hadn't approached me, I doubt it would have happened. So do I just allude to being "inexperienced" and leave it at that? Maybe say that I had "limited" sexual experiences when I was younger? What if she wants to know why I'm inexperienced? I know many women believe lack of relationship experience (esp. past a certain age) = committment-phobe or other serious defect (this isn't pure conjecture BTW, I've had a couple of female friends specifically tell me this). I don't think this is the case with me, it's just lack of dating/socializing skills kept me from having the "normal" opportunities for a relationship when I was younger. Still, I'm not sure how to handle discussions about this, particularly during the early stages of dating. Open to suggestions or ideas.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 August 2012):
 "A gentleman does not kiss and tell. I will tell you that I am not a virgin and my number is less than 5. I won't ask you for your detailed sexual history, as it has no bearing on our dating. Now, then, do you like sushi or Italian?"
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 I don't think you need to get into any detail about your sexual history. It really isn't anyone else's business. Skills can be acquired any time and it's not as if you must declare your mileage prior to purchase.
Some people do ask, and if you are you can politely decline to asnwer. Say something like 'I don't discuss sexual histories. I don't want to know about yours and I won't talk about mine.' Be pleasant but firm and steer the conversation no to something else.
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