A
female
age
30-35,
*oniqueEE
writes:Hi all,Recently dodged a breakup through communication and found that we both lost ourselves in the relationship. He would like some independence back and I would like to not be so dependent on him emotionally. My question is after 3 years of being together, how do I work on giving him this independence and not being so needy? I really dislike that I've become this way as I never used to be. I want to stop wanting to txt him all the time!Any advice would be great, I just want to know how any else has dealt with this in the past. Thanks :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 March 2015):
 Having grown up and dated BEFORE cellphones took over, I can say that the NOT CONSTANT contact can be a GOOD thing. You look FORWARD to being with your partner, to talking to them, but you also retain your individuality and independence.
I'd say SET some ground rules for the texting. Like morning and evening. IF there is something that comes up (important) then CALL. Don't RELY on texting to keep a relationship going. I want to bet 90% of those texts are redundant.
SPEND more times with your friends, hobbies and family. Give each other a break. Relying too much on your partner for YOUR emotional well being is NOT healthy. And it makes you seem clingy and needy. Both things something you don't really want to be, I wager.
Take turns to PLAN dates - not just sit at each others houses hanging out. Not saying CONSTANTLY. But maybe once/twice a month.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 March 2015):
 I wished there were advice sites like this in my 20's. I think I went through life like a blur and just got on with it. I am not really a person to ask for help either.
What I realized was that when people ask for space it's not because they don't want to be with us. Some alone time is healthy. I also had to hit rock bottom, being forced to be by myself to know that I could survive it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's very good that he is with you to be supportive so you don't have to learn the hard way by losing him. Instead of asking how, you just do it, get used to it. You don't have to be joined at the hip to feel secure about your relationship.
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