| A
age
,
writes: It is approaching the Holidays and the New Year, and many of us ended relationships in the year 2013. Some of you have been single following a breakup for a lot longer; but you start to reminisce about the good old times, when you were all cozy with your old squeeze.You have to get out and socialize. Be visible and available!No more hiding at home, and drowning in tears! Sending text messages to a ghost. Hating the holidays, and sneering at Christmas trees. Collecting negative energy.Those of us who stuck by the no-contact rule, didn't stalk Facebook and social media to find out what was going on with the ex. They certainly don't care who we're cozying up to. They're busy getting ready to present their new boyfriend or girlfriend to all their friends and family. It's not their fault you haven't found anyone yet. So what? Yours is still on order.We survivors will wisely spread our Holiday cheer on the other side of the planet, in avoidance of ex and his/her new victim/date/gf/bf. They will not spoil our fun. They will not dredge up old memories. They will not open old wounds.It's none of our business. I don't need in-your-face notification. I have a busy social-life. It's 17:07 PM. I will be in bed by 11:30. Going to brunch tomorrow, and doing last minute shopping with a friend. I'm gay. Straight men don't go to brunch; if you're wondering.Fight the urge to try and use the holidays to seek pity, or parley a sympathy-soaked reconciliation with an ex. Leave them alone. No stalking, drunk-texting, tear-saturated greeting cards, nasty e-mails, or pleading voice-mails. Everyone is tired of you and your breakup doldrums. Give yourself and everyone else a break! I mean...seriously!? Get a grip!!!In fact, our exes are praying to the gods and sacrificing fat lambs in offering; to make sure we don't show up at the same Christmas parties. It's inevitable, if you have mutual friends. So what are you supposed to do? Flip a coin. Let Fate decide.Heads, go! Tails, don't go! Go only to parties you know you won't run into anyone you don't need to see. Don't give me that crap you shouldn't have to hide. You hide from your now former-friends, or people you owe money! Why not your ex? "But all my friends will be there!" Liar! You don't have any friends. All his or her friends will be there. You really want to see your ex! I know all the excuses in the book!Don't attend out of spite. Then "Karma" will have her way with you. What you sow, so will you reap! This is not the season to seek revenge. Woe unto those with evil intent!Don't rehearse a drama-queen or drama-king performance. You'll look pathetic. No one is going to a party to see another episode of you and your ex. It's about fun, food, hookups, and cocktails.Not the latest episode of your personal soap opera. Get laid!Got it?!!! Don't go to parties that you "know" you'll be more focused on your ex, than having a good time. Keep your stalking creepy butt home, if you can't behave yourself. Don't arrive drunk and stupid at social events. You'll be kicked out on your can, and possibly arrested. Don't forget you need a job; and still have to keep a roof over your head, and food in the fridge. Preserve your dignity. Don't bring shame on your family name. Please don't drive drunk! I mean that seriously.If you know your ex hasn't missed one of Josh and Jenna's parties for the last two-three years, don't go. Send them your kindest regrets; but you'll see them over the next twelve days, or before New Year's Eve. You'll make it up to them. Even if it's only the three of you. Share time for fun, not sorrow.Whatever I advise here for Hanukkah and Christmas socials, apply through the New Year celebration. Shake off your troubles. If only for a few days. If you didn't get any invitations; it's because you neglected all your friends and family over the year. You fell off everyone's social radar; because you were too busy hiding away. Whining and pining over your ex. You adopted all his/her friends and neglected or alienated yours. Or never tried to make a friend; and depended on your ex for a social life. How utterly pathetic! Disgusting! Shameful! You're absolutely marvelous. You know what your first New Year's resolution is. Make some friends! Build allies! You were so busy stalking his/her social media updates, you missed all your E-vites!!! They never got your RSVP!!! The date was last week!See!? You just checked your messages, and there they are!If you aren't over your ex, why torture yourself? Go ahead! Ignore me!!! I'll be waiting for you, with a shoulder to cry on. If you aren't sure whether your ex is going to be there; invite a new friend no one knows. You'll need moral-support, and someone to keep count of the drinks you'll be swigging down to drown your sorrows, settle your nerves, and anesthetize your sharp tongue. Don't face an ex with a new gf/bf alone; if you don't have to. Unless you're really 100% over them. Don't pretend. It will backfire. Bring training-wheels. Even a cousin.Make your friend/date/cousin make a pledge to pinch the tender inner-flesh inside your bicep (that hurts like hell!); to remind you when you're being an A-hole. No showing off. No curt comments. No mooning your ex's new victim/date. No smirks. No sexually suggestive tongue gestures at your ex's date, behind his/her back. If you are fortunate to have your own date; don't leave them feeling like an after-thought. While you're preoccupied making an ass of yourself to get your ex's attention. Don't make your date feel self-conscious; or like they're being compared. If it means so much to let your ex know you have someone, that's pitiful. You still aren't over your ex. Now your new bf/gf knows you aren't over your ex. You are soooooo stupid! If you're frustrated because you couldn't find a date, or no one is paying any attention to you at the party. Please please please, maintain class! Put on the best front. Fake having a good-time; like you used to when you wanted your ex to think you were having a blast at his/her parent's 30th anniversary party. You were really bored to tears. His/her friends gave cheap boring parties; but you always gave them your best party-face.Do it for everyone who is genuinely having a great time.Otherwise; take your killjoy ass home! No one came to see your sourpuss. Now your ex is having the time of his/her life!No "girls-gone-wild" boob flashes to draw attention from all the men in the room. Don't sit like Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct;" wear panties to the party. Guys, please don't tell every single-female in the room you're a brain surgeon. They'll figure-out you need one, before the end of the evening. Oh, don't send pics of your junk to women you just met. They'll only pass them on to their gay male friends, who may appreciate them more. Or, these guys will harshly critique them. They might post it on gay "Grindr." Make sure you don't show your face, if you should be so stupid. Then your face will be posted on a mugshot!Check your baggage,your desperation, and drama at the door.Treat your Holiday Hosts with the utmost graciousness and appreciation. They didn't have to invite you. Don't drown their party with your weeping; and turn it into your own private pity-party.If you feel emotions rising at the sight of your ex and his/her date. Avoid them, or leave. Expect an introduction, if you made it your business to go. So don't blame anyone but yourself.You ladies who over-dressed to impress; won't have to worry about too much "feeling." You'll be numb from the waist down. Your heels will cut off all circulation. You'll only need to take care of the top-half. Oops, I stand corrected!Well, if you're wearing Spanx, you'll be numb from the neck down. Drinks will go straight to your head. So don't over-indulge on alcohol. You're trying to look skinnier than his new girl? Wait until he dumps her, she's you next year.Guys, don't try to one-up her new boo. He knows why she left you.He knows what you lack in the bedroom department. He also knows he can one-up you there. So smile, and hold your chin up! Focus on the single available ladies. Don't creep them out, in the process.Dress with class and comfort in mind. You'll regret all the pints of chunky monkey you consumed while you were pining away over that jerk. I told you to take care of yourself. I told you to go to the gym. Now didn't I? Now you look like a snowman squeezed into your favorite little black dress. It's straining at the seams! The "Michelin Man" ripples are showing! You didn't watch the calories like I told you! Your skinny stiletto heels are going to snap under the weight! Yes, you do look fat in those jeans. I'm gay. I'll tell you the truth. It's for your own good. Dude, your gut is hanging over your belt. You can't suck it in all night. Well, there's the New Year. Shed it for your health. You'll feel better inside, and about yourself. Your gym membership is still active and valid. They won't recognize you with the chubby-cheeks. So make sure you bring your pass and ID!Smarter people like me will only go to parties thrown by my own circle of friends. Yes, I made sure I have my own friends. I also give my own parties. Lessening the odds of running into him, or any of his circle of friends. I needed people on my side, to make me feel better. They did a very good job. There's some nice gifts awaiting them under the tree. Lumps of coal for the people who didn't have time to listen to me when I was feeling down. I still have their snot-stains on my cashmere sweater when they got kicked to the curb. They forgot how they came over in the middle of the night, and drooled all over my shoulder. You weren't there for me, when I needed YOU!You "risk-takers", who plan to make a big appearance. To show him/her how good you're doing after you got dumped. It means more to you; than it does to them. They still don't want you back. Your show only proves you never got over your exes. If you want to prove something. Prove you can move on and be happy.Planning to get blasted and start a scene? Well, remember you will also be the subject of YouTube videos for all the world to see. While sh*t-faced and swimming in the punch bowl in your underwear; every camera phone in the room will send InstaGrams to everyone who couldn't make it to the party. I owe it to you to tell you that. Don't party like a rock-star, unless you're the host. Then it's your party, and you can cry if you want to!So if you're planning to hit the sauce and cause a scene, you'll see it replayed around the world. You won't be able to move away to any town anywhere in the world to hide. Total strangers will wink at you, and children will point.If you are going with the hopes of running into your ex; you are asking for it. You are setting yourself up, and you are not going to like the feeling. This is the time of year you're supposed to feel good. You have family and friends. Good neighbors who care about you. If you neglected them, now is the time to rebuild those bridges. Reconnect with your loved-ones.Holiday depression will set in, if you give in to self-pity; and dwell on what you no longer have. Feel blessed for the good things. No matter how small. A simple courtesy from a complete stranger. A neighbor gives you holiday cookies. Your boss gives you a nicer gift than he/she ever has before. Mom called out of the blue, and knew just what to say. Dad made you laugh with a stale joke. Your dog put his head in your lap and wagged his tail. Your cat climbed on your lap, and purred like the engine on a fine sports car. Someone cute stared at you today!It will overwhelm you if you spend all your precious time feeling sorry for yourself. Wasting your energy craving someone who has clearly moved on; while you pathetically give up on life, love, and your own happiness. They don't care. So what are you going to do about it? All you do is sit around thinking of ways to try and get your ex back. Who doesn't want you. Spending all your time worrying what he/she is doing, and hating his/her new bf or gf. You ruined your own holiday. There is no one else to blame. Yes, it's painful. Is your old relationship and ex all you can think about? Get a life! Say a prayer! Help someone in need. Get your mind off your sorrow and find some joy!Does no one else in your life matter, or deserve some of that attention?How about your lonely grandmother,or grandfather? Your parents? You never visit them. You have aunts, uncles, and cousins that only see you at weddings and funerals. Your best friend is single. He/she never heard from you when you got all gaga over your new bf/gf. You ran with another crowd, and forgot all about them. You didn't answer several of their text messages or voice-mails checking up on you, and how you're doing. You left them out of your last party; because it was for couples only. Now you're single. Who's feeling it now bitch?You have to give your heart and mind a break. You have to remind yourself your ex was not the only person you ever loved. If they are, you paid a big price for limiting yourself to one single guy or girl on this vast planet. They're gone. You've rejected nice people who tried to show you they like you. Cancelled dates at the last minute. While grieving over an ex long-gone. They're never coming back, and are moving on. Who's lonely now? Get up, and get out in the world. Let your family know they matter too.If your universe was centered around one man or woman; what a sad holiday this is going to be for you. I urge you to reach out to your family and friends. Let them know you care and open your heart to them. They can fill a void like you wouldn't believe.Give you a belly-laugh! Tears of joy, instead of sorrow!Life should never be centered solely around being with one person. If it was, smothering them was the reason they are gone; and they have no intention of coming back. They can finally breath! So can you!Learn to love yourself, and divide that love among everyone else standing in your corner. You were designed to be loved by more than a husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. You were born into a family. You can have an infinite number of friends. Not just a bunch of pictures on your wall on Facebook; but in your heart, and sharing your life.Don't be alone. Go to your synagogue, church, mosque, or any place that offers love and gathers people in the name of something good and peaceful. Make new friends. If a cutie asks for your number, don't forget to get his/hers too! Give someone else a chance to discover how special you can be. Stop saying you love your ex. Say you love yourself and your family, instead.If you made a lot of mistakes before, use them as your foundation to rebuild yourself into someone worthy of love. Create happiness for yourself, and never forget the consequences of hurting others. If you realize the errors of your ways, you'll find redemption. Love will also find you again.Have a wonderful and safe Holiday Season! I'll be around to help if you need advice! I've got a few things to do, so you may not hear as much from me for a while! I'll do my best.Peace and good cheer to all!
View related questions:
a break, anniversary, best friend, cheap, christmas, cousin, drunk, facebook, grandmother, liar, money, move on, revenge, stalking, text, underwear, wedding Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): wow! this article is banging! hang in there WiseOwlE, ur awesome. guess you have a good time giving advice and writing articles since your brilliant at it! keep doing what you are doing because at the moment your great, xxxx!
|
