A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For November of 2009 to January 2010 I was seeing a guy that was two years younger than me. (I was 18, he was 16). I would this a bit strange to begin with but seemed to be working well.Towards the end he started acting weird towards me, he kept saying we should invite my sister along when we went out, such as ice skating etc. At one point he threatened that they would just go without me if I said no. He said it was because my sister felt I didn't spend a lot of time with her.We later split up after a series of weird behaviour, although he left me as I kept complaining about his behaviour towards my sister. After confiding in my sister about what an idiot he was, at the time i didnt see any weird behaviour from her, i noticed a gift in my sisters bedroom similar to one seen at his house he has said was for his sister. I checked her computer history and found conversations of them talking about their sexual experiences together which apparently happened in the local park ( Classy). My sister is 14, and although they did not have sex she lost her virginity at 13 to someone she didn't know, and my parents have recently been called into her school over a dispute over another girl over sleeping with her boyfriend. Although this was 10 months ago I have found it very hard to be nice to my sister, and I worry about the same thing happening with my current boyfriend of 5 months, I trust that he wont but the thoughts are occasionally still there.Has anyone got any advice on what i should do to get over this? It wasnt the fact he cheated on me ( As he turned out to be an idiot ) but it was my sister :SThanks:)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I think it is very important that you have a conversation with your sister about this. It might be a difficult conversation to have. Its important though, because if you don't express to your sister how you feel, and give her an opportunity to tell you how she feels, the feelings you have will eat away at both of you and affect your relationship, and your emotional wellbeing in your life in general. If you have this conversation, you might find it hard at the moment, but over time it will make things much better to have it than rather to not have it. Here are some things that you can try if you do find the thought of it difficult.
1. Tell your sister that you want to talk to her about what happened. That in itself can be powerful already. Maybe you can have the conversation straight away, if you both have the time then. In order to make sure you have as much time as you need without someone having to rush out the door or visit friends or do something, you might want to pick a time with her. It sounds corny but you might need this if it is a conversation either of you would rather avoid.
2. In the conversation, you will probably both have strong feelings about what happened, and you both need to listen to each other. Make a rule at the beginning that one person gets to talk as long as they need without interruption, and then the other can talk without interruption, and then the other person again, etc.
3. If having a conversation is too difficult or impractical, or she avoids you, you can choose to write her a letter expressing all of your thoughts and feelings, and ask her to write you a letter back. Its better to be able to talk about it if you can, but this can help you start to be able to talk about it if it is too difficult at first.
Good luck.
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