A
female
age
36-40,
*abeen
writes:i'm the most horrible person in the whole world. i had a best friend(S) of 14 years i lived with for 7 years who did a lot for me, supported me in all ups and downs of life and even paid for my school and bills when i couldn't work just to make me happy. we lived together for 7 years and were each others best friends with an open relationship. we had a mutual break up because we were young and wanted to date other people. i started seeing someone(j) before him and shared everything with S. and he was nice to him and said great things to him about me and told him to take care of me and keep me happy.j and s got along really well and they both loved me and cared for me truly like friends do.I kept dating (J) and went on a trip with him but from there i was sending messages to S that i don't want to be with him(J).i was even suicidal and j was really nice guy and very understanding, he took care of me and was there for me like a friend is and even though he knew i didn't want to be with him he still was there for me like a friend. i disrespected him on our trip together and was crying the entire time and telling him on his face i don't like to be with him, he still asked me to apologize to (s) because he(s) is dating somoeone else and he's truly my best friend so i should just be happy for him otherwise i will loose him. He messaged (s) that he is worried about me because i was saying a lot of crazy things and was suicidal.i told him(J) i will say sorry to him but when i went back and (S) introduced me to his girlfriend i was rude to her and asked them to leave the house and even said bad things about S to his girlfriend that he left me because of money.i even told our common friends i'm not happy for him and i''m so depressed in times when i was drunk. As a result they made other friends and hosted a house warming party without me. When j asked me if i have apologized to S i said yes and all is good, i lied to him and kept asking j to come and hangout with me with my other friends excluding S. he would say yes but won't come, obviously he knew i was lying. i even asked J to return all my stuff and money because he is no longer my boyfriend. i didn't keep in touch with j in the last three months after the trip expect for text messages here and there in which he was basically asking about me how i'm doing and hope everything is ok with me and he can help me find a job. i didn't even wish him on his birthday and just called him once to ask for my stuff.i realized all my mistakes now with both of them and know it happened because of me and my selfishness because they were both trying to make me happy and i pushed them away. i just want their friendship back. i have no friends at all because all my friends were through s and they are so disappointed in me because i have not proved to be a good friend. they were both truly my best friends and i can't believe i did that to the people who were so honest with me and actually cared for me and loved me. i have already apologized to s and his girlfriend and he still sees me as a friend but obviously his feelings have changed towards me, he still cares for me but can't love me and they are ok to hangout with me but nothing deep and his girl friend doesn't like me obviously. we still text and talk everyday just hi how are you what are you doing because he feels responsible for me.i called j few days back and said i'm really sorry for all my depressions and crap you had to deal with and thank you so much for being there for me and everything you've done for me in my difficult time. he didn't reply to my phone call but said sweety i knew you were going though a difficult time and knew you didn't want to be with me but i wanted to be there for you and help you through your difficult time and i'll always be there for you. i feel soooo stupid at the choices i made i don't know what i was thinking they were truly my best friends but i did bad things to them and lost everything. i don't know what to do now. any suggestions? is there any way i can get j's friendship back if i tell him all the truth and have a get together with everyone will he come around? he does not want to even see my face right now. i was very depressed at that time and can't forgive my self for what i did to both of them.i don't think what ive done is forgivable because friendship is all about trust and being happy for each other and i have proved to be a horrible friend both of them
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female
reader, sabeen +, writes (1 December 2012):
sabeen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionf and i still talk but things are obviously different now i'm trying to make up to his girlfriend by being nice to her. They dont want me to be in their life so much but still care for me. i feel really bad about the way i treated j. he even saw us all hang out together one time me, f and his girlfriend all of us hanging out together but only he was not there and didn't know what happened. i have not proved to be a good friend, once you start lying can things ever go back to normal again?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): I would leave it for a while and let the dust settle. You have apologised to both of them and I would leave it at that. The key thing here is to leave them alone for a while and not hound them. This will give them the time to think more warmly about you when they think of you and will also make them wonder what you are up to. I would not hold any kind of get together -all too soon at the moment. You have said your bit and made your peace the best way you can so for now I would just give them some breathing space. I think they will both want to see you after a short while because you are a big part of their lives too and they will miss you.
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