A
female
age
41-50,
*mily79
writes:My boyfriend and I have broken up - it seems like he can't give the commitment I want, but I want to be with him still. I am wanting us to live together but he isn't ready and doesn't know if he'll ever be. I love him so much I am finding it hard to stop seeing him but at the same time if the relationship isn't going anywhere.. it's getting me stressed because I can't stay away. Also he got angry and very stressed a few days ago and threw the remote control at me - is this abusive? It didn't hurt me so i don't think there is anything to be worried about but I wonder what you think? and how to get back what we had Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): feel for you hun but I think the best thing you can do now...is pull back a bit. You two are not dating anymore. When a man wants something, he wants it, badly and nothing deters him. He's told you he doesn't want to commit and he doesn't know if he'll ever be. Quite often when a guy gives a female those signs, it's his way of saying "I need space, leave me alone".
In reading your posting, I am seeing a young woman, clinging to a man desperately. Your problem isn’t that your boyfriend doesn't love you-it’s that you don’t love yourself enough and he's seeing that. Hun, your heart is like an emotional container that’s empty, and you desperately needs him to fill you up, Although you appear to be 'giving' to be with him, you're actually 'taking'. Your feeding off of his his presence, his energy and he's emotionally drained, hun. Healthy relationships are not clingy and suffocating. Realize that having an independent separateness from your bf is good. Self-sufficiency; high self-esteem; not seeking unconditional love, constantly; believing in equality and personal power in yourself and your partner and having outside interests, friends and a life beyond your world with your ex bf, is so crucial., in your recovery. You say you love him, then pull back and give him his life back. If you really , really care about him, you would know that you have to let him go..
Throwing a remote control at you was unecessary, though. It was a sign of disrespect and a a lack of control on his part. If he was angry at you, then perhaps that was brought on by sheer frustration. Was it you that made him angry? If so, there is your answer. Please work on becoming stronger yourself. You need to back away today and grieve. You can't make him go forward with you. No one can make someone else love them. I wish you well, dear and if this gets to hard for you, look into counseling for yourself. You may be a female who just 'loves too much' so much so, that she becomes too dependant. And that's unhealthy. It’s time for you to love yourself. By writing in for advice, you’ve just taken the first step in healing yourself and acknowledging the existence of your emotional baggage. Good luck, dear and hang in there...be strong.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 You cannot go back in time.
What happened is the past is gone.
Only you can treasure those good memories.
You cannot recreate those magical moments.
You got to re evaluate your relationship and decide you want to stay on or leave.
Is there more pain than happiness?
...............................
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