A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:That's basically my situation. I feel like I pretty much have nobody. I'm sure it's partly my fault, but there are other factors that make it difficult for me to really get out there and socialize. For one, I don't even have a car right now (and probably won't any time soon, as I can't afford it), so I can't really go anywhere, and I hate having to rely on constantly getting rides from other people to get to places. But like I said, I'm only making minimum wage, on part time hours, while taking community college classes, and most of my money goes towards helping my mom and dad pay their bills, as they're not a whole lot better off than I am. That's another thing; I feel awkward about going places with people, because a lot of stuff costs money, and I often worry about how much of it I can throw around. I even don't have a cell phone to save money. Naturally, for the same reasons, I don't date, hell, i've never even been on a date in my live.Sad thing is, I used to feel comfortable confiding this stuff to my parents, especially my mom. But, I've come to find out that my mom isn't the nice wonderful woman I thought she was. I've found out that she's been cheating on my dad for over a year now, I've also found out that she's been lying to me about other stuff, she abuses my sickly dog, etc. I just don't trust her anymore, and deep down, I wonder how much she's been manipulating me my whole life to be on "her side". The rest of the family has seemingly blacklisted her, and for a long time, I thought I knew why, and that she was in the right, but now I wonder if I don't know the real reason she's basically been excommunicated from the family. They're all out of state, anyway, so even if I wanted to turn to them, I couldn't. I don't have much family on my dad's side, either. One of his sisters is a crazy drunk, and the other is a super judgmental uptight stiff. I'm keeping this stuff about my mom secret from my dad, even, because he's not very emotionally stable for this kind of thing. I think he'd probably try to kill himself if he knew my mom was cheating on him. Even my mom doesn't know I know about her. I'm basically just going through the motions from before I found out any of it. So, I have no one to turn to to confide in about my social issues because I don't trust my mom anymore, and I have no one to confide in about my family issues because I have no real friends to turn to. I feel completely alienated and alone, and it drives me crazy. There's so much crap that I'm keeping deep down from everyone, and it's just weighing on me a lot. How exactly do you handle this? How do you handle all the pressure, without having anyone to just be there for you, listen to you, or even help you? I just really wish I knew how to get through this.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 May 2015):
 The only person in life who will always be there by your side, support you, and who you can trust.. Is yourself. It's a lesson you're starting to learn. People can have all sorts of friends around them to confide in, but when it comes down to it, these friends will always look out for themselves first. As will all other people. You thought you had your mother, but turns out she, like everyone else, was mainly looking out for herself.
You're alone in life. You always will be. You were just under the naive illusion that people will always be there for you and that people can be trusted 100%.
Now that you have started to learn this lesson, I will tell you the next lesson: other peoples company can be greatly enjoyed even if they can't be depended on. You CAN still talk to your mother, the only reason you aren't is because you chose not to. But she didn't cheat on you, so hasn't done you any wrongs. And even if she's not the amazing person you thought she was, she was a good listener, and she was there for you in that sense. She could still be there for you to talk to. You haven't lost her, you've just gained some new perspective. You've come to realize you are indeed alone in life, as are the rest of us, and you've come to realize your mom can not be trusted. But try the next lesson: to enjoy her company even so.
The difference is to a) depend on people for your happiness, and needing them to be dependable in order to be happy and b) being capable of being happy in the presence of those you do not depend on, and who you can not depend on. It is fully possible, and it is how the rest of us get by. Enjoy the moments and the company that you do have, and don't be resentful because of what you think you lost.
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