A
female
age
36-40,
*ailey J
writes:Hello, everyone. I have asked for advice before regarding this but I think it all read wrong, I’m terrible sorry. When I met my boyfriend, he was kind, smart and sweet. He had just come out of a long relationship, but assured me, that he wanted to be with me and his past relationship was over and done with.For a new couple we went through some hard times, arguing etc… but more was to come. He kept breaking up with me and asking his ex back, and then I fell pregnant. I was so happy. Scared but happy. Being pregnant just felt right, regardless of the situation I was in. My Boyfriend told me that he didn’t love me and wanted to break up. I told him fine and I would do it on my own. I was heartbroken!! With 3 months we were on and off, like a light bulb until eventually I found the strength to tell him, to piss off and that I was tired of him treating me like this. (Sorry for the language) When I stood up to him he realised he wanted to be with me and our baby and we got back together (again) We went for our first scan, my Mum and Nan came too, and it felt like a great day. I got some bad news that day. There was an abnormality with my child. ( the water around my babies neck was too thick which suggested an abnormality) I went to another hospital to have an injection into my uterus so they could do some genetic test to find out what was happening. At this point I was also told of my sons heart defect. They told me he probably wouldn’t make it past 4 months and I should think of going into labour. I told them NO. When we got the test back we found out that he had a rare genetic disorder (the number 8 chromosome was missing) Which meant he would be severely retarded and along with his heart defect, I was told again he wouldn’t make it. Still I went on with the pregnancy – I had to give him a chance. I found out early on I was having a boy because of the Genetic tests. My boyfriend and I were a mess. The worst came when my son on the 28th May 2006 inside me. His heart had stopped. At that moment I just remember seeing him on the scan machine, when he jumped up. That was the most amazing moment of my life. I went to the hospital and had to go into labour. 10 hours. When he came, I count let him go… my boyfriend and family tried to calm me down but the nurses wanted to take him away. I told the no, I wanted him, but he had to go. My boyfriend was so great in all this. He felt it too and still stayed with me, he was so brave. I saw him break down when he held Bailey. We were both in so much pain. When Bailey’s funeral came, I couldn’t see walking into the crematorial because of all my tears. I just remember sitting and looking at all the yellow roses on my baby’s coffin. And crying and not being able to stop crying so loud.After the funeral I went home to my mums and just went to bed. I stayed there for days. That’s when my boyfriend told me he wanted to break up. He needed time as did I. I found out that in the time we had been broken up he had asked his ex girlfriend back but she turned him down, a little later he came to me. You see I do love him, but there’s a part of me that hates him. I hate the fact that he was able to ask his ex back when he had just lost his son, my son! But I know I have to get over this, as we are back together and I did forgive him. He’s ok now tho, but I’m not. I want to be… but no matter how much talking to someone I do nothing will help. Each day does get easier but somedays I look at my boyfriend and I just want to hit him. How could he have done that to me? How the hell do I get past this? Because I feel like I’m loosing my mind. I do love him, I do care for him, but there’s something’s I can’t forgive him for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): You poor woman, you have really been through the mill. I can identify totally with you in some ways. I had a partner who was having a full blown affair behind my back all the time I was pregnant. I thought it had finished but at 6 months pregnant I found out it was still on. She knew everything about me. I went into shock and had our son prematurely. Through all the trauma I tried to leave several times and twice he left me. I cried with relief when he got down on his hands and knees and said that his affair was over. You've guessed it, it wasn't. I feel that you know deep down you will never get over this. What you went through would be a mountain for anyone, on top of that you have a fundementally selfish man. He can't stand on his own two feet for two minutes, back and forth between the pair of you like a yoyo. It would be hard if he was on his own but he hasn't even got the guts to stand tall and be a man. He doesn't deserve any gratitude for standing by you although I'm sure you were glad of him at the time. Now YOU can heal and get better. Use this time to settle your mind. You have been all over the place going through every emotion since youve met this man. Don't go through it another 20 times or he will drive you mad. (Don't forget I've been there!) I dumped my ex after 4 years of hell. You don't get over it, you try and see an new day, start afresh but you can't with someone who is so utrustworthy, it haunts you. You probably want to end it but you're scared of him going back to her. He did it anyway and sorry but he sounds like he'll do it again. Get out while your still sane. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (15 March 2007):
I think you need to just leave him. How long before he breaks up with you again. You need to demand answers from him, WHY did he ask her to get back with him. Does he still love her or something. I think you need time to heal fully, and being with that inconsiderate useless man who you class as your boyfriend is not going to help. Your beautiful i am sure, and he doesnt know what he has. But you need to either demand the answers you need, and maybe have a little trial seperation, or leave him. Leave him like he keeps leaving you.
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