A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband grew up with a narcissistic mother and father (should he start playing lottery ? ;). Father is out of the picture. He was a liar and a thief. I've seen him steal in a shop and deny that later. We live far away so his mother does not represent a constant problem in our lives. We send her money and help her out, but my husband (and I understand him completely) cannot stand being in contact with her.She is completely self-obsessed. (btw she is 75 now) She always thinks and comments out loud that people (in the street, shop, park etc.) are always noticing her because she is special. She thinks that she is perfect and goes so far as to lie when she she does something wrong. Sometimes, she even blames others.I can't imagine how difficult was for my husband to grow up with a mother like this. Father was only occasionally there. Never took responsibility for his son.So... My mother in law may come and stay with us for a while. She has some doctor's appointments. This "a while" can be prolonged and my husband is going crazy. He knows that she is a sick woman, delusional, with strong personality disorder (she has always refused treatment for this. She was diagnosed a long time ago but she ignores it), but it is hard for him, and me too, to deal with her on daily basis. If you avoid her she becomes confrontational and tries to provoke a conflict. If you go along with her she flares up and becomes even worse in her delusions. We tried talking about her illness, but she always plays the victim and tries to make a monster out of her own son. Funny thing is, she likes me and respects me, so I tend to us what is positive in our relationship to try and improve the situation. To be honest, I haven't made much progress. Well, I have, at least they are not arguing anymore.Anyway, any tips on how to deal with someone like that?Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2016):
 Do you have someone who can come and look after her a few hours a week? So you and your husband can "get out" just the two if you?
Taking a break here and there might help you two.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016): Thank you for your answer!
Unfortunately she has to stay with us. I say unfortunately because, until now, it's been like this, the longer she stays the angrier my husband gets.
We'll stick to general subjects... and pray ;)
It's harder for my husband to accepts that there's no fixing her...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2016):
Does she HAVE to stay in your home? Or is there a hotel nearby where she could be comfortable and you two can visit?
If not, I'd ignore when she talks smack and change the subject. OVER and OVER. Talk weather, travel destinations or something that can't (hopefully) escalate into drama.
And then KNOW her stay with isn't permanent.
She is who she is, so encourage your husband to accept her and not play her games. There is no fixing her.
My guess is she likes you because you don't take crap from her. So KEEP doing what you are doing.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 February 2016):
 Leave the loser If he's truly a narcissist he'll say it's his fault and take ownership of the break up.
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