A
female
age
41-50,
*ed House
writes:After finding an article in this website and seeing how good the advices are, I decided to ask for an opinion before I contact my ex.I'll try to sum it up as much as I can.I met this guy on the internet who was living with the mother of his child, but for what he's told me, wasn't happy anymore as the pregnancy was an "accident" and he decided to take up the responsability and go live together. We chatted few times online and he wanted to meet up, I refused initially but agreed to after few weeks. I was attracted to him and we started dating under the agrrement that he would solve things with his then partner. He split up with her officially (they were living in the same house, but not as a couple then). So we used to see each other and sleep over quite a lot for sometime, but the thing is, I got too attached and simply could not think nothing else but him and how it would be good to live with him and have a family togeher... He used to say he wanted to take things slowly and that he really liked me and that I was the one. We did argue because of the things I did, mostly, and because I wanted him to be there for me, like when I had a flu, and when I moved house. After 3 months that we started dating he split it up and said he didnt think the relationship would work. I was completely devasted, and felt a mix of angry, disapointment and delusion. I did ask him to tell me exactly why he was leaving me, as he seemed to love me just a day before, he didnt answer and since then I have not talked to him, not even sent him a bday message. The thing is, I feel like I need to make few things clear to him and to my own self too. As you can probably tell by reading this, I didnt jump in this relationship too soon and too deep and for that Im hurt, but I think I should send him an email, not heavy stuff, nor trying to get back as we both are better off alone now. I want to tell him that it was nice to have met him, despite all, that I have accepted the brake up and I am sorry for have been too much of a needy person. How can I put this in a "light" way? Or, in your honest opinion, do you agree with me sending the email in the first place?
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female
reader, Red House +, writes (16 February 2011):
Red House is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just would like to thank you for taking the time and for giving me the feedback you did. I decided that I'll not email him, as I can see now that it may take me back to where I was a month ago when he left me. You are right, my mind have accepted it but my heart didnt.
As there wasnt a reason strong enough for the break up (at least not in my understanding)I feel that Im still sort of connected to this guy and that by emailing him I would be able to come to terms and to give myself closure. But I see that it may back fire. I guess I just have to let time pass and I'll eventually let it go.
Thanks again.
A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Even though you've said you've accepted the break-up, maybe a part of you is hoping if you message him, he'll respond and say he wants to get back together. You can email him if you want to, however it's better if you don't, because he may not reply and then you'll just be more hurt than you were before. I think you're trying to gain closure by emailing him, but you have to give yourself closure in another way. Accept that he wasn't the one for you, as hard as it may be. Why else would it have ended so soon? No matter how great he seemed [and he wasn't perfect, he didn't even reply to you], at the end of the day, you both wanted different things and weren't suited to each other. Try and let go of your ex, accept that it's over, and when you move on, you'll be able to find someone who you're better suited to and who wants the same things.
But don't email your ex. Let go of him. He'll get the message from no contact that you've accepted the break-up.
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A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 I have to disagree with you here. I don't think you are over the breakup. Even though it was a short relationship, you took the breakup pretty hard because you had fallen in love with this guy.He had all the responsibility he needed and wasn't looking for any more. If you thought that it would be nice to live and have a family with him, he probably felt it. He already had a family and it doesn't seem like he was real thrilled about it if he was seeing you while living with the mother of his child. Some would see that as cheating, you know.You may disagree with me, but I think the email is a veiled attempt to see if maybe he has reconsidered and would still be interested in you. Your mind has accepted the breakup, but your heart has not. If you send the email you are setting yourself up for the pain of rejection. I do not think he will respond and that will drive you crazy too, so you will send another. You may annoy him more than anything else. I say this because I have seen it many times.I am sorry that I am giving such harsh advice, but it is the way I see it. You need to forget about him and move on. Personally, I think you are fortunate to be done with him. If you end up with a man that cheated on his girlfriend to be with you, what you end up with is a cheater.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): he`s made his decision. it doesnt seem like you have accepted it. get a man of your own,its more healthy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Don't email or contact him. There is really no point. You think it may help you move on, but it won't because he probably won't respond leaving you hurt again. The best thing you can do is try to forget him and move on. It's very hard, but contacting will only set you back. What are you going to say anyway and to what end. It's over. Sometimes you just have to stare reality in the face. You will get over him although at the moment you can't see it yet. But you will.
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