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female
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anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We are both in our mid 20s and are very serious about our relationship. Due to work, I live 2 hours away fom him. He just got a really nice house and is dying to live with me. He understands I work at a family business and it's hard for me to quite. However, he rather me move up with him and not having to work at all. He cannot bare seeing me only on the weekend.He also have a 7 years old daughter from his past marriage. I understands this is something I have to deal with. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to look after his daughter well. He never asked me to, but I just want to make sure his daughter is safe and get along with me. Also, she's the girl so there are lots of things my boyfriend needs my help to do. After one weekend, I was exhausted. I feel I should tell my boyfriend, but I'm scare he will think I cannot accept his daughter. It's not so much like that. I just feel like I'm a parent without mentally ready to be a parent. Afterall, I'm still dating my boyfriend.My boyfriend only has his daughter over every other weekends. It's not like it's everyday too. However, he has a room for his daughter in his new place. I feel like this is a house of my boyfriend and his daughter and not really OUR place. Maybe I'm silly, I don't live there at all so maybe I shouldn't be concern. He tries his best to let me choose everything I want in the house. Except he never discussed with me having a room for his daughter permanately. That's probably why I feel that way.How should I talk to my boyfriend about me getting stressed after a weekend having his daughter over? How should I talk to him about my feeling about his place being his and his daughter without me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, Ask oldersister. Your comment made my day. Yes, I'm not a selfish person. Indeed, I sometimes think about the other people more than myself. You're correct in so many things. I'm not ready to be a parent. One other reason is I'm Asian and my boyfriend is British. My parents taught me very differently than the western culture. This is also the reason I'm sometimes annoyed when my boyfriend's daughter do something I don't expect an asian kid will do. I know I cannot expect that of her. After this weekend, I was to the point I want to tell my boyfriend I do not want kids anymore. I don't want to go thru the same kind of stress. I was out shopping this past weekend with my boyfriend and his daughter because my boyfriend just moved into his new house. I expect the kid will follow the adult. Instead she was trying to drag me wherever she wants. I told her we were in a rush and we need to get our shopping done as soon as possible. She then gets all upsets because she didn't get want she wants. When my boyfriend tell her no, she will stop but acted all sad. I don't tell her no, I just tell her why we can't this time. I tried my best to please her whenever I can (and appropriate). I admit I have a high expectation of kid behaving well (I'm a teacher myself). How can do learn to deal with situation like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): I think personally that you are being selfish..... he has a daughter.... she comes first in everything..... she should have a room for herself.... where do you expect her to sleep? So try to be more open about things and they'll get better with time.
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