A
male
age
26-29,
*bjectivist Thinker
writes:There's a girl I started to like near the end of last school year. I was writing notes to her and having other people give them to her and then started shouting that I loved her in hallways. Then someone told me to stop, and there was no more of that. However, this summer, my feelings let up. I went through bouts of time when I cared about her, and others when I said it was done with. Well, before my friend had joked around in IMs saying that he'd told her I was over her. I was mad about this. But, after I got over her, I told him to do it for real. Usually, if I want him to do something like that, he wont'. But, he apparently did, b/c he told me that he did very seriously. *Before* this, (which he told me in lunch) I had my first Global class of the school year. I'd seen her in AP English, and didn't say anything, but when I saw her in Global, I was standing near the back of the room, trying to find my seat and she was standing next to hers. I looked at her for a moment, and our eyes met, and I *believe* she said "Hi!" to me and smiled at me. I was under the impresson that she hated me, until my friend told me what he'd done in lunch.Now, however, my predicament becomes these things: 1. Was it I she was saying Hi to, or someone else that walked in after me? (two of her friends are in the same class).2. How do I get time to talk to her alone or with only people she and I trust? I'd like to do so soon, but cannot think of any way to do this. I've been told to ask to borrow a pen, but it seems like lying, and I don't want to lie to her.3. How do I calm my nerves before I talk to her and when I talk to her?4. How do I show her that I am friendly, clever, intelligent, intellectual, and a respectable fellow musician? (A note on this: my guitar teacher used to know her and said since we're both smart and musicians it should be easy for her to like me. I disagree, b/c she seems perfect and I'm not that attractive. She, on the other and, is remarkably beautiful. I use the excuse that I don't believe in love b/c it will interfere with my music practice. But, now that I come to think of it, this is just some reason to describe why I'm uncomfortable with these emotions. It could also be, my friend says, b/c I don't really have any close friends in my age group.)All help appreciated!! Reply to this Question
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reader, Objectivist Thinker +, writes (5 September 2009):
Objectivist Thinker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat are you confused with? I'll try to explain in further detail as best I can. I can't give her a note b/c she didn't respond to any of the 3 I had given to her last year, although this could be b/c I had others give them to her. I'd like to just talk in person, otherwise, if she's comfortable with me at a distance, that's where she'll want me, I've been told.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): You have a lot to say and it looks like you could really use some help. I am a bit confused by a few things, but I really want to try to help you out so I will answer each of your numbered questions. 1. That doesnt matter. I know how it is, I was the exact same way. You start to worry and wonder if someone said hi to you, or waved to you, and its just that you care for this person so much you start to question every little thing and you cant put yourself through that. Even if she didnt say hi to you, its alright and you should just try to say hi to her next time so you know for sure. 2. You said you gave her notes before, so maybe you can give her a note now. Make it something funny and not too serious. Joke around with her. Or just try to hang out with her after class and walk her to her next class. You need to find any time to talk to her, even if its just for a short while. Be friendly and be confident and she will want to talk to you also. If you two have common friends maybe all of you can hang out one day and go do something and you can find some time to take her to the side and just talk to her. 3. Thats always hard. I know when I was in school I would get really nervous before talking to a girl. The key is too not worry at all. Dont think about it, just do it. Relax yourself, be confident, and start some conversation. You need to feel comfortable when you talk to her so she can feel comfortable also. Just know in your mind that all it is is talking. You can do it, just believe in yourself and push all your worries and nerves away and go for it. 4. Thats your problem right there, you said you are not that attractive but she is remarkably beautiful. You need to be confident and believe in yourself. Dont see her as this amazingly beautiful girl and you are just some average looking guy, see her as your equal and show her your confidence. I can tell by your question that you are a very intelligent person and she needs to see that too. You do care about her and want to have her in your life and she just needs to see that. Show her all your best qualities and above all be confident. Joke around with her, help her with homework or studying, do whatever you can to show her how amazing of a guy you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): Ok seriously you need to just go up to her when she's alone or something and just straight up tell her. Try asking her out! The worst she can do is say no. I know that is going to hurt you, but atleast you don't keep your feelings piled up inside you. And you will never have that regret of never telling her how you feel. If your intentions are right and you truly like her then you should just tell her. And if she denies you afterwards then that is her mistake. Because nowadays it is really hard to find someone like yourself. By reading it shows that you have a clean heart. When i was in high school 2 years ago, I had a minor crush on this guy and I called him up and told him and asked him out. Turned out he liked me too. We have been together ever since. Take a chance ask her out or else you'll regret it. If she says no then don't mop around and never make the mistake of showing her that it has made a big difference in your life. Be careless. There are alot of girls in this world! ACT ON YOUR FEELINGS! never hold it inside... Wish you the best!
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