A
female
age
41-50,
*AF
writes:My best friend showed me her true colors, after she has started working, she has changed. It was her birthday, and I arranged for her surprise party. I had to coax her by saying that it’s her birthday and she must buy me lunch. She was so irritated with the idea that she had to buy me lunch (I bought her lunch countless of times) and when we did meet up, I wished her happy birthday and she only replied me making her face ‘yuck, don’t you have anything better to wear? (My t-shirt had some bleach stains on it) So I said to her ‘What’s your problem!?’ Then I don’t know why she just snapped at me and said in a mean way ‘Just asks anyone around here, who’s prettier, you or me!’ I was really shocked but I kept quiet. When she saw I bought her a pricey necklace with a small diamond on it, her eyes were enlarged and went all ‘you shouldn’t have, thank you, thank you’ in like a fake way, I really felt like it wasn’t worth it. That incident has changed my perception of her and she went from bad to worse. Everything was about her, when my dog passed away, all she could say was "ya ok and you know what happened to me" and she went on and on bout herself and some guy. I put down the phone feeling hurt. From then on our friendship has turned into a one way street. Then, she can’t stop raving about her ‘life’ which I don’t think is anything great to talk about all the time. She’s always complaining about her job, her family and keeps on putting everyone around her down just to like always make herself look good. She's always asking for advice and only want to hear what suits her, when I don't side her, she gets personal and lashes out at me.She’s very judgmental of me and puts me down saying that I never have to work hard for the things I’ve got in my life, cos I come from a well to do family. I have been very patient with her cos I am guilty of being a mat, I take her shit cos when she puts me down, she talks about my weight and how I don't have a career and only rely on my parents. I am a post grad student. She always puts me down about how I am always in 'school' and I am such a nerd. I am not very social and I do not have many friends. It wasn't always like this for me, I feel ashamed of how I look and I feel useless.She makes fun of me and make me feel bad, she's always telling me that I am ridiculous when I talk about what I want to do with my life and when I told her about my crush, she was like "oh my god grow up, don't kid yourself." Also she’s so vain, she thinks everyone is into her cos she thinks of herself as some hot babe, well she’s not. I think she is delusional sometimes. The funny thing is, she is copying everything that I like, from music to tv shows to even what kind of guy I like. She also like to talk like me, tell my jokes and she acts like me when she's with others! I was told so and she meet up with my friends without telling me and she tells them that I'm in another country! It really irks me to the core, she has no character or personality and yet she always puts me down!So finally, I got fed up with her and started to ignore and avoid her but she won't leave me alone, I have stopped chatting online, taking her calls or reply her emails. When will she get the message? I am trying my best to ignore her but the problem is our mutual friend is getting married and it seems she will be at the wedding, how am I supposed to react when I see her? If I ignore her, she gets to act like she's so great and above me. I know she's talking behind my back and in her blog, she stated that she's angry and that she is better off without her 'burden' referring to me.Help cos my low self esteem is making me feel guilty and yet I'm now trying my best to get out of my depression and have a better life, getting fit and healthy physically and mentally and these few weeks without her in my life, feels really good. I really don't want to repeat this cycle of being friends with her, let her make me feel bad about myself and get angry with her all over again. But I am afraid I may relasped cos I am afraid that she will turn everything around by explaining and crying and blame me and make me feel bad. What should I do when I see her at the wedding? I have to attend this wedding because the bride and her husband will be leaving for the UK and I have promised them that I would attend. Help!
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best friend, crush, puts me down, self esteem, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, myownadvocate  +, writes (7 May 2008):
You should react to her in the same manner you would act to anyone else at a wedding, courteous and polished. After all, this day is about the bride and groom and not you or your friend. You don't have to sit next to her or engage into deep conversation. This so-called "friend" sounds like she has some deep-rooted issues which probably stem from childhood. Wish her well and move on. With your own confidence issues, you should be more focused on yourself rather than her. Time changes people - some changes are good, some bad. Make your change a positive one. We all have flaws, but regardless of how you feel, you need to hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. Friend: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Doesn't appear this girl deserves you or the title of friend. Stay strong and God Bless.
A
female
reader, myownadvocate +, writes (7 May 2008):
You should react to her in the same manner you would act to anyone else at a wedding, courteous and polished. After all, this day is about the bride and groom and not you or your friend. You don't have to sit next to her or engage into deep conversation. This so-called "friend" sounds like she has some deep-rooted issues which probably stem from childhood. Wish her well and move on. With your own confidence issues, you should be more focused on yourself rather than her. Time changes people - some changes are good, some bad. Make your change a positive one. We all have flaws, but regardless of how you feel, you need to hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. Friend: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Doesn't appear this girl deserves you or the title of friend. Stay strong and God Bless.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 May 2008):
 I simply never hang around anybody that makes me feel bad, period.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): huni if shes treating you like this shes not your friend. try talking to her about it but if that doesnt work just tell her to leve you alone - you have a life to live.
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