A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How should I go about initiating a conversation about sexual intimacy with a fairly recent virgin boyfriend?I want to know how he feels but I don't want him to feel awkward from the beginning of the conversation as that may have an effect on how he feels about sexual intimacy.Like should I bring it up in a text? Or should it be in person?I want him to feel as comfortable as possible when discussing moving to the next stages, etc, because he's very shy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): I'm in exactly the same situation myself. I have an amazing but very shy girlfriend, and I'm terrified to bring the subject of lovemaking up to her. I spent a week with her, and the subject wasn't brought up once; I just loved being with her in person at that point.Anyway, I think texting would be a good idea if you couldn't muster up the confidence to do it in person. These things can be difficult to talk about in person! But if you can do it in person, then I'm sure he'll appreciate that, and it sounds as if you are the understanding type who wouldn't want him to be placed into a situation he isn't ready for. Talk to him, and see where things go from there!Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): Yes, I believe you should bring the subject up with him before seeking to move to the next step. You know him better than we do. Sometimes a text is okay. But topics about intimacy and sex I would like to be told to my face in a neutral or romantic setting. Ask some questions to try and break the ice about the subject. Talk softly and make eye contact and be gentle. Listen and respond according to his answers. Seek to ease any fears that might come up. I am sure it wont take to long for him to start singing like a bird. Maybe a specific word or gesture might open him up. I was in his shoes too and believe my biggest fear was screwing up and doing the wrong thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): In-person is definitely best!!
Don't worry about it being awkward--of course it will be, these things are, at first. But communication is really important! Decide together what you're waiting for (till you're in love? till it's been 3 months? etc...) and talk about how you feel about it, what you're nervous about,etc. It means there won't be confusion down the road...eg, "I wasn't ready, but did it because you wanted to" kind of thing.
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