A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm a little worried. I separated from my husband last year and have been dating a man from work who I have become very close to during the past three years. We have been keeping our relationship a secret. A few weeks' ago I received some Valentine goodies through the internal office mail. I'm pretty sure they are from a guy who works round the other side of the building, someone who has always been smiley and friendly towards me without being chatty as such. I don't know him very well - not well enough to call him a friend. Anyway, I'm worried since he has children and this situation may escalate. What shall I do? Shall I completely ignore him from now on or avoid making eye contact with him? I think he knows that I know it is from him. Shall I discuss this with my current office boyfriend? What shall I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Agree with PeterPan. This gift was sent to you, with no way of you, knowing who it was from (even though you suspect who it is). Tell your bf you have a secret admirer and if he asks who you think it is..you can tell him. Have a chuckle together and carry on as you always have been.
Just a question. You said "I'm worried since he has children and this situation may escalate." Escalate? Nothing will escalate if you don't allow it, hun. You say he has kids. Is this guy (the anon admirer) married or in a committed relationship? If so, he's off limits. If he isn't and has kids...that shouldn't matter. The point is you are in a relationship with someone else.
If this secret admirer steps forwards and claims he is the sender, thank him graciously and leave it at that. If he wants to pursue you romantically, all you have to tell him, is you are already in a relationship. It's none of his business, with whom you are involved with. End of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Hi! Personally, I think you should keep it to yourself. Accept this form of flattery and keep in mind that you people other than your boyfriend are attracted to you. It's nothing serious, and if the guy who sent it doesn't progress his behavior, then you shouldn't worry about it. Just keep on smiling casually and don't be too alarmed, you have an admirer and that is all.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 I would recommend that if you don't know 100% for sure that it wasn't your boyfriend's valentine's gifts, then don't assume that it's the other guy from the other side of the office. After all, don't all three of you work for the same organization and your boyfriend might have access to the same internal mail?
In the case of if you should tell your boyfriend about your concerns, I would say yes... unless you think that he's likely to go and cause some kind of altercation with this other guy -- that wouldn't be worth it.
As far as being friendly or not, I would say act as you usually do, in a way disavowing the gift completely.
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