A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a simple question but one that keeps me up at night nonetheless. I'm seeing this guy. Super great, love him to death honestly.However, recently I sent him a slightly... unusual picture. Well, compared to what we usually send. It wasn't anything too too scandalous. (just some thigh high socks and shorts) But, as it's not our norm, this alone put him on edge.He makes hints at me sending something like it again now and I want to because, honestly, he deserves it. I want to make him happy. My question, though, is how often is too often?? I already told him I'm not sending nudes of any kind and we've laid down boundaries. Still I'm not sure how often I should give in to his desires and yet still keep him attentive and not thinking about only sex.Thanks for the help.I'm really just wondering if it should be like... a monthly thing? Every other week??Thanks again :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (18 November 2020):
 Nudes are a bad idea in my book for multiple reasons. Firstly, guys can see you as being cheap.
Secondly, revenge porn is an actual thing these days.
I think that you're putting way too much pressure on your young self to be this willing, sexual being for a guy that you may not even still be with in a year's time. In which case, he could have these pictures of you for him to use as he pleases. He could send them to your job or college. He could send them to your family members, your boyfriend at the time, his friends. The list is endless. It's not safe to be so careless these days. It may be cute now, or even sexy but the situation could very easily become very ugly. You're too young and frankly still single by law so you don't have to be stressing yourself out, trying to be sexy for some guy and trying to keep him interested but trying not to put him off. You have no control over how he sees you. Regardless of the frequency of these pictures, he will think whatever he thinks and you have no control over that. I'm not too sure why you think that he deserves these pictures. Look, I get that you want to please your man but I just want you to understand that it's not your duty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2020): (just some thigh high socks and shorts)
Even if that means you were topless, no big deal. You can walk half the beaches with just a string on these days. But I have a feeling you weren't topless, sort of some miscommunications here.
There is nothing wrong with fun pictures like that unless you're sending them from a convent.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2020): Never! Never send nude or sexual pictures to anyone. Women's lives have been destroyed by vengeful exs who have used nude photos against them.
You think this guy would never do this. Every girl and woman who had her pics spread across cyberspace thought that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2020): "just some thigh high socks and shorts"
Assuming you weren't topless, strangers you that was all the time. So what the heck. change socks, change shorts -- snap away. These pictures will cheer you up when you're 60.
Back 70's no one thought of the internet. Seems every boyfriend I had was a shutterbug and wanted Playboy like poses, nothing X rated. My husband took hundreds. I only worried about the local photo lab guys seeing them. Sure fun to look at now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2020): [EDIT]: Corrections, punctuation, or rewording of comments.
"You're not a circus animal or trick pony; who must always perform, respond to every command, or the snap of a whip!"
"He wants the self-gratification and confidence-booster of knowing he can get you to do just about anything to please him!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2020): I'm going to speak to you as I would my own daughter. I hope your own father/mother has had this talk with you; and if he/she has, let me reinforce his/her advice.
You're not a circus animal or trick pony who has to always perform and respond to every command or snap of the whip! You are smarter, better, and stronger than that!
If you have to flaunt your body, entice, and tantalize guys with sex; they won't really care about you. They will only take advantage of your desperation, naivete, and the easy access to sex. You are a whole-person, with a mind and soul. Not just a set of boobs, a butt, and a vagina!
Like too many females these days, you might have a low-opinion and jaded-notions of what guys are like, and what we want. Women aren't all angels and guys aren't all devils! You think all males think about is sex; and the only way to keep one is through sex. If all you want and gravitate to are the "bad-boys," and your attitude about men is so negative; you can't/won't believe there are any good-ones out there. Be that the case; then that's all you'll ever find. You'll program your radar to detect only those guys who tell you how pretty you are, sweet-talk you, shower you with empty-compliments; and those who'll play you like a cheap fiddle! The easier you are to control, the lower their opinions of you will be. Sometimes they like a challenge, but only for the sake of the challenge! They play to win! You've got to be smart enough to know when you're being played! You have a right to set boundaries and have reasonably high-expectations, based on your self-awareness and self-worth. If it feels uncomfortable, or beneath you; then you shouldn't do it.
First-off, you're not encouraging him to like you for you. You're keeping his mind focused on your body; and using your sexuality to hold his attention. You claim you're not. Then why are you here? You know when enough is enough...or don't you?
News flash, he can find nudies online anytime and anywhere! He wants to self-gratification of knowing he can get you to do just about anything to please him! You'll get nothing in-return to match it!!! What makes you think you can keep it up? He'll just keep raising the bar! The more you show, the more he'll want to see! Don't you want him to genuinely care for you and have feelings for you like you have for him? Guess what? The way you're going about it won't allow that to happen. You've sent him enough. Either he likes you, or he only wants to see what's under your clothes! Use you like porn! You know what that means! His imagination will have to be enough! Getting his eyes and hands on the real thing, should depend on how genuinely and sincerely he cares for you!
If he loses interest, that's because it WAS all about sex...and not about you! If he dumps you because you won't send him nudies, he never cared about you anyway. The "bad-boys" are sexier and more intriguing than the nice-guys; but it's the bad-boys who screw you up, after they've played you. Then you and other females will come to DC to tell us how terrible guys are; and how you've developed trust-issues. Partially your fault, because many females will ignore blatant red-flags and blaring-warnings staring them right in the face! Don't delude yourself into thinking sending him these pics will keep him from looking at other females. He has eyes, fingers, digital devices, and eyesight! He can see boobs and kitty-pics anytime he wants! Yours are special, and of a quality reserved for a private and select-audience.
Sending pics is okay as long as you know that he will not delete them or send them back! He can show them to whomever he wants, and he can post them wherever he likes! He can share them with guys you would absolutely hate! If you break-up, he can also show them to your newest love-interest; to hurt you, and to piss him off!
Simply let him know that he has all he's going to get, and he'll just have to use his memory and imagination about what's under it all. Don't come here claiming you aren't going to send him nudes. We're not gullible sappy people, and we know he's pressuring you. You're afraid of losing him. We also know he'll keep applying pressure, pleading, he'll sweet-talk you; and even threaten you, if you keep declining his requests. Testing you until you break!
Stick to your guns! I recommend you find another boyfriend; if you're always being pressured to send provocative sexually-explicit pics over the internet. He's going to share them with his buddies, and those same guys will be gawking at you; and even looking you in the face smirking in their minds knowing what they've seen. Know what you're doing when providing people provocative images of yourself across devices. If his mind is so shallow that all he thinks about is sex, it's time you grow-up and take charge of how you're treated by guys. People who have much in-common, and really like each other, never run-out of things to talk about or to share. They take interest in each other on many levels; and they enjoy each-other's company...even with their clothes on! Sex over devices is popular and common; but if you've read the posts we often get from regretful girls and women, you'd think twice before you let guys talk you into sending them porn featuring yourself!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 November 2020):
 WARNING this advice may be sarcastic, but does contain truth.
You are under 22 and already your concern is how to regulate his sexual interest? Well, speaking as a person at the ultimate end of that kind of thinking, I can tell you that the answer to your question is as simple as ABC.
Anniversary,
Birthday,
Christmas.
That will also be your sexual frequency.
Most women your age are more active in order to lure the man into a committed relationship. I applaud your honesty from so early on. I know it will cost you a few boyfriends , but it is just fair.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2020):
 1. don't send ANY pictures you don't want your mom, dad, friends, family, employers to see.
THAT one should be logic.
Why?
Because for NOW everything is great with your guy, but down the line it might not be and depending on MANY factors you have REALLY no idea what HE or friends of his might DO with said pictures.
USE discretion.
2. How often should you send some "sexy" pictures?
I would do this ONLY sparingly. Otherwise they mean nothing.
Don't send ANY with your face in it, IF you show more than you REALLY want the World to see.
This should be about "giving in to what HE wants" but these should be a considered a "gift" when YOU are in the MOOD to take one and send it to him. YOU have ALL the power over your pictures. He might WANT more, but I think if you do it often it will be a dime a dozen. Nothing special.
He can make ALL the hints he wants. YOU still have to be comfortable with the pictures and do it when you FEEL it is right. You said you have set clear boundaries... so why be so vague with this?
Also, does HE send you some? (and no, I don't mean dick pics) but "interesting" pictures?
If you send a lot, then he WILL want more, and the focus will shift to sexual stuff. So keep it as a rare treat when YOU want to. and again, having boundaries is great! Sticking to said boundaries are better. You don't OWE him sexy pictures.
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