A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How often does this happen?My situation is this: my guy friend and I have known each other for 3 years but have never been super close because of his Avoidant Personality Disorder. Yet this summer things changed, we had a bit of a fight and made up. Ever since we've been super close. The last month we've hung out every weekend and we text nearly every day for hours on end. He doesn't know I'm in love with him, but I think he suspects something given my bubbly personality and touchy-feeliness towards him. He says I'm not as good at masking my emotions as I think. And recently we decided to have sex. We had a talk about it and decided neither of us would be weird about it, it would just be two friends helping each other out. Well, we did it and even though he seemed weird right after, not wanting to cuddle and stuff, we still talk and text like normal. In fact not even a week later he called me up because he was depressed and talked to me for 5.5 hours even though he had to work the next day at 6AM. He had gotten no sleep at all. On the other hand he does say things sometimes that are rather insulting but he doesn't mean them to be. Like he doesn't believe me when I say guys hit on me. Recently, he said "remember, I said I would fool around with you drunk or sober, but I was also drunk when I said that too so..." He sends mixed signals. He says he wants to be just friends but then we exchange "I love you"s. He says he has a lot of things to fix about himself before he can even think of trying to love another person. He recently admitted he does care about me (didn't specifically say in what way - I'm assuming friend-wise) but he said he didn't want to talk about caring about me because it would make him cry. He also says I'm the only one he can truly talk too. I've spent a lot of time on this friendship to make it work, and all of the people that see us together always say there is something between us and they think he might not know how he feels about me yet. Is there any chance I could come out of the friend zone here? I mean how often does that even happen?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): I think he isn't ready to be in any relationship, and he may never be. He has way too many issues and keeps changing his mind. he needs to just be on his own.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 August 2013):
 When I "see" this type of drama.... I get that itchy feeling that whatever-it-is.... it isn't worth pursuing....
You can find a guy who has a clearer picture of his life, and where you fit in it.....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 August 2013):
You may have fallen for him in a superficial way, but, from what you say about him it doesn't sound like he's relationship material at this point, which he seems to understand. For you it's easy to not agree because he hadn't fully exposed himself to you.
So, keeping that in mind, he probably is keeping you at a distance on purpose. Not because he wouldn't like more, but because he is troubled and it wouldn't be a good idea.
I would tend to agree with him. I've dated a couple of people with similar issues and, while it's possible to fall in love with them, it's difficult to be happy.
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