A
female
age
30-35,
*actaid
writes:Alright, so I'm usually the one to give advice to my friends but alas I'm not good at actually following my own advice, so here it goes:I met a guy at a convention [he was with his friend who knows my best friend]. We hit it off and were having a really nice conversation and I just had a feeling that he would be someone that was going to be in my life. I have recently decided to really become assertive and not passive, so I made the decision to find and add him on Facebook. We talked some more and agreed to meet up.After that we've had some more dates. But of course, me being me, I guess I kind of "declared" that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He went along with it and I definitely tried to make sure he was alright with it. He joked around a little by saying that I was "being the man" but he really seemed flattered that I was the one who was being kind of aggressive. He had told me that he wanted to take things slow, and I agreed with that, though I think now looking back I think in a way I didn't listen to him when I had declared that we were now in a relationship. I think I was very caught up in the "new love" thing that I forgot about really being friends first. For me, my feelings are always pretty intense and genuine, but I forget that not everyone feels the way I feel and thinks as much as I do. Anyway, we had gone on more dates and we had double-dated with his friends who are a couple that have been going out for more than a year. So of course it was a little awkward having people who were in a very new relationship with people who were very used to each other, but it didn't really faze us. Anyway, he calls me up and says that he thinks I am really really attractive and really nice and that I am an amazing person and that there is nothing wrong with me. But that he doesn't feel the whole "girlfriend thing." He tried so hard to reassure me that I was perfect in his eyes and that he really didn't understand what was going on with him. I trust in that it's "really him not me." He said that he really wants to keep hanging out with me because he loves talking to me and being with me.However, I really am falling for this guy. I talked to his friends [that couple I mentioned earlier] because I was afraid that he had ruled me out as a potential girlfriend. They said that he just has not really dated before or been with girls for that long of a time [those he was with had hurt him, which is something he had told me when we were on the phone] and that he needs time to "adjust" and that if I continue to hang out with him he'll see me as "girlfriend material." So, this gives me hope that I still have a chance with him in the future. However, I am the kind of persron who is REALLY worrisome. Right now I'm freaking out on how to not seem so clingy/desperate/obsessive while still trying to keep his interest in me. Can I have some insight or help here? Thank you so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Hi Hunny
Really take it slow go at his rate sweetheart, If he has been hurt in the past then he needs this time to get to know you and gain the trust within a friendship before he can commit. He still want to take you out and get to no you better so he is interested sweetheart. Dont panic be patient and with time this could be a good relationship love, He is doing all the right things and respecting you in everyway so give it time love and see how things go. with the best of luck LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): There are two people in a relationship and two sets of needs, you know what yours are, he has expressed his, so respect them. Take it slow, do some hanging out, but don't let that go on forever if he does not say something more in 4-6 months time, it is time to gently and tactfully have the conversation about where things are going. Reasses then.
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