A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a married woman for the last 2 years. I love her and we had talked about a future together. She had almost left once but couldn’t decide to leave…she was too scared. She always said stuff like, I don’t know if I can keep you happy, and I am too scared to start over. We remained friends (long distance friends) I never felt it was an affair because the relationship she had with her husband was more of a brother sister thing. We played with each other online almost every night and her husband never questioned it at all. About a week ago he asked her if there was anything more than just friendship between us. She froze and answered NO. The next morning she told me what had happened. I felt betrayed and told her that I’m going to need some time away because what she had told him hurt me. I thought if it ever came to that she would tell him and see what happens then. a day or two later she decided she wanted to come clean to him and not lie anymore. She was prepared for the worse when that happened. When she got home she told him and the next day she said “he wants me out”. I haven’t talked to her in 2 days now and I know she needs space and time to move and do everything she needs to do. I have to admit I’m worried she might despise me for the stuff happening to her and her marriage…I am getting worried about sending her msgs seeing how she is doing, asking her if she is hanging in there and telling her that I love her and I will help her in any way possible. telling her that i am praying for her. I am not getting any answers or replies…My question is how much space should I give her? Should I stop msging her and wait till she is ready to msg me? I don’t want her to think I don’t want anything to with her. I don’t want her to think I have been able to sleep or eat since all this took place. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I can’t look at anything….I sit here drinking coffee and water waiting for a reply… I know she is packing and that is really really hard. I just don’t want her to think I do not care…because i really do. Please help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen she did msg me that day saying that he wants me out. I did ask her what i can do to help. She kept saying just pray for me. I asked if she needed anyhelp at all with moving and getting a place. she had already found a place she found the first time she planned to leave. She did ask me to help her decide on internet providers and she did ask me to call the utilities. I think her mom is down helping her. I just understand how painful it is to go through older stuff when packing. I had left a very abusive marriage where my wife was very abusive both physically and mentally.
I know she gets her keys monday or tuesday. You are right though after her getting the apartment maybe she did decide that she doesn't want to leave. I did tell that day when i needed sometime that i think we should stop talking and playing. and she did say she doesn't want to live without me. she just asked me to pray that she has the strength to do this...and thats when i backed away and gae her some space. idk i guess i will wait till tuesday to hear from her. and if she decided to stay then it she was meant to stay...i will just be posting another post asking for advice on how to get over a woman i have loved at that point :( thanks for the answers i hope my followup answers helped
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 From the way you described it, it almost seems as though she might be regretting her decision. Just give her time to think. You have already let her know that you're there. Just wait until she's ready.
Start eating, get some sleep. You'll need to be healthy and strong for when she wants to be with you.
I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I don't understand why she "needs space" after being told by her husband that he wants her out.
First off, is she moving out? Just because her husband wanted her out does not necessarily mean that is happening.
If she is moving out, does she still want to move in with you? If so, you need to coordinate with her to make that happen.
As to breaking apart the marriage, that has been in the works for 2 years now; you are kind of committed at this point. There is not a lot of room for second thoughts.
She told you he said "he wants me out." Did you reply to that?
It would be helpful if you could add more information, there are too many blanks to really be able to give you helpful advise, sorry.
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