A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year now and recently got engaged at the beginning of the year. He moved out home and moved into mine (i have a mortgage). We agreed he would pay a certain amount a week to cover bills. I pay a lot on a mortgage and while i don't expect or want him to help cover the mortgage, i can't afford to give him a free ride. He needs to pay his way too. A year later, he is still paying a rather small amount. The bills have increased a lot - to the point my 'half' is more than what my total bill used to be, so i am not saving anything.I'm curious to see what people think is a reasonable amount to expect a partner to pay? I don't like being the 'landlord' but at the moment, he is probably living here for about $20 a week while i am paying $1000 a week in mortgage and other related costs. He also doesn't pay anything to the contents insurance. We are both in our early 30's and he earns more money than me. I think i am starting to resent paying so much, not being able to afford much else while he spends all his money on big ticket items (e.g. a watch more than $4k!). He complains that we dont go away and we are young and should be able to. I just don't have the money! Its taken me years to save up a little savings as a back up. I saved money to build my first home and while i dont expect we will live here forever but any profit i make from it would go towards the deposit for our next home. He has no assets. I feel he needs to contribute more to make it fairer and us more of a 'team'.I plan on discussing it with him but want to seek outside opinions first. Any advice would be great. thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2015): First of , 80$ that he is paying is a joke , I hope you are realizing that the sum is so minuscule that you can easily say that your boyfriend lives there for free.You on another hand is making tons of money if only your house expences are 4k a month. If he is making even more money than you,mthen he is quite a well off guy. And with all that money he is contributing 80$ a month??Heis stacking away big money I can tell you that. Unless he is spending them all on luxury items like that watch. All these doesn't matter because of a simple fact, that he is not paying for his shelter.,80$ I can't even count.,How much does a shelter cost in Canada for 1 person living with roommates? 500$, 600$ 1k$?you need to determine this and demand a pay from him. Now, the fact that your mortgage and other house related expences are so high, obviously has nothing to Do with him.. He doesn't have to participate in your previous investments. Even if you sell this house and invest your money in a another, you can do a certain paperwork that entitles you and ony you to that part of money. Your boyfriend needs to pay his cost for sheltering him, simple as that.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (16 June 2015):
 Discussing it with him is a good idea. As others have said, the current state of things is very unfair for you. He's not only living rent free with you, but you're also subsidizing the costs of food, utilities, etc. He pays $80 a month? I guarantee your combined food/electricity/water/trash/TV/phone bill is more than $160 a month, so he isn't even paying for his half of the goods and services he too uses.
You may not want him paying into your mortgage until your couplehood is more permanent (i.e. after marriage) and I would personally agree that this is a wise choice because otherwise he may legally become a part owner despite not having permanent legal ties to you yet, which could cause you problems if you were to split up. But he should definitely be paying the costs you incur BECAUSE of him. That means his share of food, utilities, and so on.
On an unrelated note, be very cautious of his spending habits. The large purchases and inability to save money for anything may seem harmless now, but they have the potential to be very problematic if you get married and mix finances and he treats your joint accounts the way he currently does his own. Be sure you are financially compatible with this guy (as well as physically and emotionally compatible) before going through with any long-term commitments to him.
Hopefully you are able to reach a more equitable agreement with him. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 June 2015):
 Oh Me, I'm so glad I grew up in the "old days" before all this new who-pays-what-nonsense came into being. It was much simpler when tradition dictated that the man supported the household and the woman contributed as needed. Things are too complicated now. Folks need to get a lawyer to be able to draw up contracts just to go on a date.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (16 June 2015):
 He should be paying way more than he is. You're basically letting him stay with you for free!
I don't know how much it costs to rent a shared house in Canada, but I think his contribution should be similar to what the market rate would be.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 June 2015):
 So He lives OFF you but only contributes $80 a month? I would NOT be OK with this and I would sit him down and SHOW him the COSTS of living in your place.
He should WANT to help you out. UNLESS HE is doing all the cooking, cleaning and maintenance, he is USING you as a FREE ride.
Personally, if he can't see that he NEEDS to help pay more of the costs ($20 a week doesn't even cover the FOODS, and GENERAL articles such as toilet paper, cleaning stuff, shampoo, laundry soap) and what about utilities? Which can be from $50- 150 for electricity, same for gas (or however you heat your house/water) Then there is trash and water on top of that.
I get that he doesn't want to pay on your mortgage, but he should still pay SOMETHING for having a roof over his head.
I would not be OK with this at all. And a whole YEAR of him basically LIVING off you? He has HIS money to spend on HIM and you.... spend ALL yours on taking care of BOTH of you?
No.
Either he helps pay into the costs or he moves out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2015): Ummm, I might sound harsh for suggesting this and I don't want to de-stabilise your relationship based only on money issues,but...I'd actually ask him to move out for a bit.That is not ONLY based on money-though hopefully that should open up his eyes a bit too.That is based on "MONEY+HOME environment". Why do I say that? Coz if he moved out of "home" (i.e. his parents' place) and moved in with you (your/ our home), he has ALWAYS been in a cared-for environment. He has NOT been by himself, having to take care OF himself, in a rented place. I think he needs to do that in order to learn how to take care of others.You two might have fallen into a routine that's hard to get out of and he is TOO used to it. It seems like you care FOR him and take CARE OF him.But the thing is-I do not see a whole lot of him caring for you...If he wants to go somewhere with you-great! He can buy the tickets, hotel etc. Why does it have to be 50:50, especially if he is earning more than you?What happens when you two have little ones? Will he write you a cheque for the nappies and expect the money back??? How about for clothes, food, mortgage whilst you are on maternity leave? What then? Who will pay?I agree is not for him to pay towards a mortgage (in case you two split up, it won't be a deposit for your home together, but only a deposit for yours), but having more money he should have offered to make your lifestyle better by buying more groceries, going on holidays etc.For F***'s sake, you are both DINKS, so yeah, you should have fun, travel etc. BUT that means that you treat DOUBLE income as double- HIS and YOURS.That doesn't seem to be happening...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 June 2015):
 Wow, I'd would be very resentful if I were you. Get a spreadsheet with all your monthly expenses. Remembering that he would have to be paying rent if he were living anywhere else, come to a fairer agreement in regards to the bills and mortgage. When you pay rent you are helping your landlord defray the cost of their mortgage/insurance etc.. so why shouldn't he contribute to yours? If he refuses then he should pick up more of the utility bills to equal it out. Are you planning on getting married?
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